No Boundaries November: Confidence/Advice Response

Before I get into the post I would like to thank you all for making this month the most successful month for the blog to date! I really can't thank everyone enough for sharing the posts and giving me such beautiful feedback, it all literally warms my heart. I really do hope that you all continue to support me and my journey as I try to give you all helpful tips on how to get on the right path for your own!

Originally, this post was going to be about being thankful, in celebration of Thanksgiving...but something really touching and surprising just came my way and I can't help but respond to it! But before I continue, we must always remember that just because there is a day titled Thanksgiving does not mean that the other 364 days of the year you get to forget about it's lessons. I believe that holidays are meant to be reminders throughout the year to live the lives we are called to! Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, New Years, even Halloween! They all represent qualities ranging from giving, family, love, being thankful, creativity, and always working to change yourself for the better! So whenever you come across a holiday look at it is as a reminder rather than an obligation to do something you normally wouldn't.

Okay, so I think the best way to talk about what just happened to is to show you what was said,

"Hey I just stumbled upon your blog...it is really good! Ummm this may be a little awkward considering I don't think this is an advice blog...but I can really relate to this post. I'm in junior high and I am bullied because of the way I dress. I guess it is too "gay" or "girly" or w/e. Idk, I have been questioning myself for a long time, and all of this hate makes a specific path seem dark and lonely...I guess I just really want to hear what you think......I am sorry if this is out of your realm, you don't have to answer this, but if you do I would be really happy! :)"

This was a comment on my post Sexual Healing. If you haven't read it, click the link to get some reference to the comment.

Let me just begin by saying that this is a motivation blog, but also a place to find comfort and acceptance for who you are! So by definition -- this is also an advice blog. Also, I would like to say that I commend you for having the bravery to ask someone for help, that is the first step to get out of a tough situation like this. I am also humbled that you decided to look to me as a person for help! Honestly, I think the best way for me to help you out is to let you know what I did to get out of my dark time. First, stop second guessing your own decisions! Your clothing is YOUR clothing, if people don't like it then that is their problem. Don't allow external factors dictate how you feel about yourself internally! You are beautiful just the way your are and just because there are people who aren't mature enough or educated on the matter of self expression, doesn't mean you should stop dressing the way you feel comfortable. I realize Junior High is a tough time to discover yourself, but by the looks of it, you seem to be halfway there -- and that is saying something. When I was in Junior High I had absolutely NO clue as to what I was doing or who I was, so the aspect of bullying made it extremely worse. I think the second most important thing is to look at who you are allowing to influence your emotions, are these people really helping you achieve your own greatness or are they bringing you down to the lesser? While it is never easy to walk away from people you consider your friends, you also can't walk away from your own destiny. Find people who are going to accept you for YOU...that may seem impossible, but it isn't! If you have a good relationship with your family -- start with them! Then, you could move to finding new friends at school, or outside of school! There are billions of people in this world, so never feel like you are alone! :) The final piece of advice I would give to you is if you are questioning your sexuality -- don't beat yourself up about it or feel like you will be forever alone! Your sexuality is a part of you, and it should never be something you feel should like you need to hide! Maybe right now you still have more to figure out, but don't be afraid to explore your options -- there are no wrong answers to discovering yourself! :) Whether you decide you are straight, gay, bi, etc. it all doesn't matter! There is a community of people out there just like you, and there is an even greater group of people here to support such as myself! Never feel alone! 

I really hope that some of this helped, and if you would like to get to know me personally, add me on Facebook or start emailing me! And if you ever feel like your problem is getting to aggressive, you can call this hotline 24/7 for professional help! 800-442-HOPE (4673) And if your situation brings you physical/mental harm be sure to tell your parents or a teacher/counselor at your school! Stay blessed, and remember to always love yourself even when the rest of the world doesn't see your beauty! <3

Here is a song to lift your spirits! It is called Design by Tori Kelly. I have shared this song before on here, but i think this will really inspire you if you look at the lyrics in the description. I hope that your situation gets better and you begin to love your own design because you are beautiful -- no matter what anyone else says. <3

No Boundaries November: First Video...WHAT?!

WATCH THE VIDEO! It isn't exactly what I wanted to do, but time is running out and I wanted to give all of you a peek at who I am! I am sorry it is long, but I told myself to just click record and go -- no editing!

Since I posted a video, I think what I really want to do with this post is say welcome to any newcomers, and thank you to each and every person who has supported me thus far. All of you mean the world to me, without your support I wouldn't be able to share my vision with the world and for that I am forever grateful! If you are just joining me on this journey, let me just tell you what this blog means to me and what it stands for. This is a place for motivation and inspiration and acceptance. Here you will feel rejuvenated, enlightened, and prepared to take on whatever this world throws at you! Ultimately, I want this to be a face for the under represented group -- regular people. I feel like we have gotten to a point in society where people strive to be someone else, and that doesn't work for me. So when you read my posts you will hear about my life and how I try to be the greatest me possible and spread my love to the entire world. Know that this is not a platform for fame, but rather a platform for me to speak my mind and change the world, this is my life. I live through my words. This idea of ambitiously following your dreams is literally my motto to life! Moreover, I want it to be a motto for all of you!

Also, in the future I will be expanding the blog to weekly Youtube videos as well, but in the meantime, bare with me on the videos and continue to read my blog posts!

Just to close things off, THANK YOU! Thank you for supporting my dreams, and being some of the greatest people I have ever encountered. I feel the love from you all, and I hope that I can continue to give it back! So when you clink the links, comment, or share my posts, realize you are making my every dream come true -- and for that I am grateful. Now my duty is to help all of you, and the rest of world do the same! So thank you for joining me on this amazing journey, and I hope that one day I can meet all of you and express my love!

Stay Beautiful. Remain Ambitious. Dream BIG.

No Boundaries November: Resilience

Today I want to discuss the power of accepting adversity and emerging resilient, allowing the fire to burn at your feet -- ultimately rising majestic and powerful in your survival. In life we are expected to experience adversity, those "I can't take anymore" moments, but could it be that these moments are a gift placed at our feet, just waiting to be opened? Could it be that those very hellish moments are also the key to unlocking our true potential? Pain, suffering, anger, frustration, these are all forces amidst the beauty in this world. All of these forces circulate together in perfect harmony to show you the miracle of being. This cosmic flow is why we feel a breath of new life when a child is born. This is why we feel a departure of energy when we lose loved ones, but then a resurgence of understanding and connection when we accept our loss. We all experience beauty in our lives coupled with the shock of loss and adversity.

We must ask ourselves, "What would life be if we did not have to endure adversity? Would we still have the fire to be resilient and powerful?" In my opinion, without adversity there would be no conviction for us to strive for the greater, to look away from the lesser and go running towards our destiny. Why stop a terrible habit if we there are no consequences? Why stop to look at the beauty in this world when you could focus on the material things? Adversity enters our lives to remind us of our journey towards the greater. While it can seem never-ending and impossible to understand, adversity is a gift placed in front of us. We must accept the gift, and meticulously place it alongside the expected gifts life brings us. By expected gifts I mean the success, the relationships, family, friends, a passing grade, a beautiful sunset, the perfect career. All of these things are expected to enter our lives, we have been told this since the day we were born. On the other hand, there are gifts that we can't be told will come our way. These unexpected gifts are what occupy the space between each expected gift that life brings. We must cherish these gifts. A gift resides in every moment, but it takes our understanding of resilience and our life's journey to receive them as such things of beauty and force.

Look to the Sequoia tree for inspiration. These are the world's largest trees in respect to volume -- depth. The oldest tree happens to be 3,200 years old, but that isn't the greatest miracle that trees have harnessed. While they are beautiful in their statistics, their true nature is where we will find our lesson. The bark of the Sequoia tree happens to be about two feet thick -- causing the tree to be virtually fire resistant. In addition to this phenomena, their seed cones have also accepted high temperatures, ultimately joining the fire in a cosmic rhythm that cause them to blossom under dangerous conditions. While some seed shed under the normal heat of summer, the greatest number are liberated when they endure the heat from forest fires. We must let the fire burn at our feet -- ultimately rising majestic and powerful in our survival, just as the Sequoia.

I want to leave you all with my own personal story. Growing up I always loved going to spend nights at my grandparents house here in Washington. While my brothers and cousins would love to wrestle with my grandpa, I found greater joy in listening to him talk about his life. I also found myself enjoying my grandma singing the gospel as she cooked us breakfast, and drove us around town. While I didn't actually enjoy the music all of the time, I enjoyed her company. I enjoyed both my grandparents company twice as much, because I knew that on the other side of the country I had another set of grandparents that I barely knew. This was something that I always thought about as a child. How could you have family that you don't really know? How could you not see your grandparents every weekend? This caused me to write about my Grandma Bell in school. I would write about our phone calls, or the rare visits we would take to her house in Florida. While a lot of my life I did not get to say I knew her that well, I knew I loved her. So when I got the chance to get to know her this past year I was overjoyed. I felt extremely blessed that I finally had my grandma in my house -- in my state. Sitting with her watching Spongebob, Teen Wolf, Hallmark movies, and just having deep talks about life was probably the greatest joy I had felt in a long time -- I finally knew her. I finally had both sets of grandparents in one place -- the greatest luxury life has brought me. I had both sets on my birthday, both sets for family events, both sets at my graduation. My Grandma Bell got see me graduate before she passed away. She did the one thing she always told me she would -- she watched me take the next step in my life. After all the pain that junior high brought me, after all the clarity high school bestowed, she got to see me move towards my future. So, when she passed away I was devastated, I thought I had lost the connection that I had waited for my entire life -- but complete opposite happened. It got stronger. I live everyday feeling her energy flow through me as I walk to class every morning and look at the sunrise. I feel her before every midterm telling me, "Its all gonna work out Meat Man." I feel my grandma more than ever, and I plan to live my life in remembrance and joy of her presence. Life had brought me the miracle of connecting with her, and brought me the unexpected gift of her passing. While I didn't want to lose her, she was tired of suffering, tired of going in and out of the hospital. Little did I know that her passing would be the driving force to achieve my destiny. She believed in me more than anything, and I intend to make her proud.

I miss you more than anything Grandma, but I know that my life is not over, and I am doing the things that you knew I could. I love you, I miss you, I feel you, and I continue to live for you. Rest in peace, and continue to dance! Sincerely, Meat Man.

We must let the fire burn at our feet -- ultimately rising majestic and powerful in our survival.

No Boundaries November: Hate On Me/Feel My Destiny

As ripples head towards normality, a tidal wave of resistance and hate will try to defend the well-structured bubble. Let the wave wash over you, and the ripple will guide you through the storm -- in time the bubble will burst, and nothing will be the same.~~

Jealousy and hate are two things that drive the primitive nature of a simplistic life. Why strive to be someone else, when you could be the perfect you? Why tear down the success of others, when you could focus on creating your own? WHY waste your time to continually call my phone to try and break my pride? Let me just tell you, my stride cannot be broken so you might as well step off of me. Since I started this safe haven for myself and all of you, there has also been a select few that have tried to extinguish my flame. Oh, but this is not just any flame. This is an inferno. An inferno that has been brewing for nineteen long years. Nineteen years of hard work and sweat. Nineteen years of stored energy. And now it has been unleashed. And you think that words can bring me down? Wrong.

For the longest, I thought that if I took the time to address this issue, I would be giving power to the stupidity that is...but now I realize that this is a message we ALL need to hear. There is a pollution in the air -- and it is hatred. We must be our own filtration system and not allow external factors to effect our internal affairs. In order to do this, we must discover our own greatness. It takes time, but once you discover your destiny, your purpose, nothing will ever be the same. Words will never break you again -- hate will never bring you down. You will never be a product of hate because when you have this revelation, you understand the journey. You will understand the journey that we all must take to reach our highest calling. We are all meant for something special, but it takes an awareness of our greatness -- our destiny. We are destined for perfection, but we also must be clear that perfection is something we should not search for. Perfection is not something people can teach you. It isn't something that people can deem you. You were born into this world perfect. Perfectly crafted, perfectly molded, perfectly painted. Don't let anyone tell you different -- even yourself. While others can be the cause of our pain, we can dish ourselves the worst torture of all. Stop bringing yourself down! Stop allotting yourself second rate experiences, half ass friendships, and hand me down success. Your life is not meant for mediocrity, it should be a testament of success, spontaneity, and amazing life experiences. Don't put your destiny on the back burner, because when you do, that is when you become vulnerable to the hate. Hate will creep into your life when you forget to see yourself as the beautiful being that you are. Hate will creep into your life when you lose sight of your own destiny.

So let me just conclude with a message to everyone who has hated on me, and will hate on me in my future. I have been called a dumb nigger, a piece of shit, dirt underneath your feet. You have tried to label me as fake, a mistake, a walking disgrace, a fat ass, a walking piece of trash. I will give you credit, you almost broke me a LONG time ago, but years have past and I have shed my skin many times. I have created a barrier of love for myself and my destiny. I see my future and there is nothing that you can say or do to bring me down. I have continued to break through the bubbles that you have created for me and the rest of this world. So go ahead on hate on me! I am going to continue to do me, and that means stomping on every stereotype that you give me. Feel my destiny as it washes away the hate that you through on me. Feel my destiny as it changes this world. Feel my destiny as I continue to be a face of motivation and inspiration. I know my worth, I know my purpose, and I know my destiny. I am here for something greater, and I don't have time for the lesser. I pray that you discover your true purpose in life, because this is not it. But until then, continue to hate on me, because it only makes my fire grow stronger. I will continue to be the best me I can be right now, and I will strive to be even greater in my future. My ambitious daydreams will be heard around the world, and there is nothing you can do to stop this ripple. Your well-crafted bubble will be burst, and I will gladly be the one holding the needle.
~~

Thank you everyone who has supported my vision, and helped me spread the word that loving yourself is the key to success and our true purpose in life. Our destiny is our greatest weapon, and once we find it, no weapon formed against us shall prosper.

No Boundaries November: Words (written by Bianca Bejar)

First of all I want to start off by introducing myself. My name is Bianca and I’m a friend of Deme’s here at University of Washington. Although I don’t have any blogging experience, I’m thankful Demetrius asked me to join him on this adventure. Hopefully I can make some good contributions and add a different perspective to things.

For my first post and going along with the theme of No Boundaries November I wanted to talk about words. When I say words I mean both the culturally insensitive use of certain words as well as the power of words. Now anyone that knows me knows I’m pretty passionate about this topic and it’s one I personally try to work against and raise awareness amongst those around me.

Living in Seattle as well as attending UW, I have been blessed to be surrounded by such a diverse population; people from different walks of life, different religions, different countries and cultural backgrounds, different social classes, and my favorite, different sexual orientations. One of the difficulties about being surrounded by such different people is remembering to be culturally sensitive and watching the things you say. As a society we have become so comfortable with casually throwing around certain words and phrases without thinking about how it may impact or offend those around us. Words like retarded, gay, faggot, nigga and phrases like “I’m going to kill myself” or “I got raped by.” Retarded and gay shouldn’t be used to describe things that are dumb or stupid or that you don’t like because you are associating a population to a negative meaning. By using those words to express negative feelings towards something you are saying that being special needs and gay are bad things. Words like faggot and the N-word are words that are offensive to the queer and Black community respectively. Many people believe that because the word is used within those communities that it is ok for everyone else to use when in fact that isn’t the case. The community that is affected by such words has control over it.

Now while the use of these words is offensive and insensitive, there is much more awareness about it. When it comes to the phrase I mentioned before, they are used maybe not more often but certainly with less resistance. Casually saying you’re going to kill yourself is extremely insensitive to those who have struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal attempts. Personally, I think it’s understandable to want to use such a phrase to express extreme frustration or annoyance or whatever it may be but it certainly isn’t acceptable. As someone who has struggled with these types of thoughts I know how difficult it is to hear people take something so lightly when it’s something that’s tearing you apart inside. Likewise, saying “I got raped by…” an exam or a game or a class, it is extremely insensitive to those whom have been raped. Using such a phrase fuels rape culture which is something we should not feed in to.

These words and phrases all belong to the bigger picture of our insensitivity to those around us and the belittling of the impact of words. Many times, we use words to hurt people on purpose or say that we’re just joking but we also don’t always realize how big of an impact it truly to makes. Anyone who has ever been bullied knows that the saying “sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you” is certainly not true. Words can be one of the most hurtful weapons and the problem. Words create bruises and scars, just like a stick or a stone, but the problem is that they aren’t always seen. When I was little I was teased and bullied almost every day. I would constantly come home crying but I wouldn’t talk to anyone because I was so ashamed, it got to the point where I didn’t even want to go to school and I honestly hated myself. Many times we focus more on children because it is a huge issue and they are so innocent and don’t like to see them hurt, but it is just as much of an issue with teens and even young adults. Despite the fact that I went through that, as I grew up I began making jokes at the expense of other people. I soon realized I was becoming exactly like those whom I resented. These days, I try to be as sensitive as I can but I will admit I still slip up. My point is, whether you’ve experienced being hurt by words or not, it’s easy to fall into that pattern where you use hurtful words.

Whether it be offensive, culturally insensitive, jokes, or just flat out hurtful and malicious words, we should all try to be a little more aware and attempt to change. It’s definitely not easy and it takes a while to break the habit but just being aware of the impact of what you say is a step in the right direction. I used to use words like retarded and gay all the time, I was probably one of the worst, but as I became more conscious of how it made others feel, I eliminated the negative use of those words in my day-to-day conversations. Stopping yourself from using those words the wrong way isn’t the end though, you have to raise awareness to those around you. Spread the Word to End the Word is a great campaign for the R-word but it is also applicable to the use of the words gay, fag, and the N-word. A little sensitivity and awareness is all you need to make a change.

Thank you all for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it and that it got you thinking a little bit. Please leave a comment and let us know how you felt about the post or me writing on here in general. Maybe you’ll see more from me in the future!  :)

No Boundaries November: Bridegroom/Love

This weekend I had the opportunity to have time to myself and think about life, where I am going, just enjoy my own company. This is something I normally cannot do, so when I get the chance I pounce on it. In this time, I decided to watch Bridegroom, a movie I had been dying to see for weeks. This movie brought me to a hysterical sob. It struck me at a very personal spot. This movie is powerful beyond belief, and everyone should find the time to watch it.  Go buy it, watch it on Netflix, find it somewhere and become educated on the age old story of true love. 

Just so we are all clear, I am a believer in love. I am a believer in finding that person that makes you feel like life has so much more to offer. That person that makes your eyes gloss over from the high of euphoria. That person that makes you smile even when you want to throw a pan at their head. Your soul mate. I believe that love does not have a label. It is not just an emotion -- it is an ability. You exercise your ability to love when you connect with that special person. You exercise your ability to love when you make lifelong connections with your closest friends. You exercise your ability when you promote love for others.

Bridegroom is a movie about two men who found their purpose of life through each other. Two men that were each other's saving grace. They found each other at the most perfect time, and created the most perfect connection. Unfortunately, life dealt them some terrible cards, (this is not a spoiler) and one of them lost their life. From there, situations became more tense as the surviving partner tried to commemorate the others life at the expense of a family unwilling to accept their son's sexuality. A family unwilling to accept their child.

If you have followed me thus far, you know that I am person of Christian faith. I believe in God. But I don't believe in preaching hate, or not allowing love to run rapid through the universe. As the age old saying goes, God is LOVE. Love is not just something meant only for a man or a woman. It is a human thing. It is an ability meant to keep us closer to the greater. But for some reason, there are people who ridicule and attempt with their every bit of self to destroy other human beings for being themselves. That may seem harsh, but that is what you are doing when you shame someone for just being them. There are thousands of children right now struggling to figure themselves out, just trying to catch a break. I was one of those kids. I had an entire group of people telling me who I was, who I could love. And because of this, I almost took my own life. I could not bare the idea of being what they screamed as they stomped me into the ground. I couldn't bare the idea of being a walking sin, a disgrace to the world. That is what people have to feel because they are afraid of accepting who they are.

We are beings of love. We were created through love, whether it only be for that moment or an eternity. We are all put on this earth to figure out this lifelong mystery of love. It is beyond me how people can openly cast out others for trying to discover the meaning of life -- to love. We are supposed to love when we walk into our workplace. We our supposed to love when we embrace our families. We are supposed to love when we come into contact with things we cannot explain. We are supposed love. Loving each and every person for who they are is hard, I know this, but we cannot stop others from discovering the beauty that is life. We are supposed to raise each other up in our times of need. We are meant to climb the mountaintops and throw a rope down to help the others behind us. I understand that homosexuality may not be something you support, it may not be something that you want to be a part of. But let me just say that while you have the luxury of showing public displays of affection, legally binding yourself to your love, and being protected by law, other human beings are denied such simple constructs.

I guess what I really want to drive to you all with this post is that life is hard. Hell, we all have our struggles, getting up in the morning can sometimes be the hardest thing. But one thing we should never have to struggle with, is accepting ourselves. That should be the easiest task of all. Be the change in this world and just spread the love. Homosexuality is a topic we all may not understand, but just because we do not understand, does not give us the right to beat down a group of people that is already struggling. As someone who has been on the other side, I am telling you that what you find as harmless mockery can be the most harmful blow you can throw. Just remember that we are all beings of love, just trying to achieve our programming. We are programmed to love, and there is nothing we can do to stop it.

We must raise each other up, even when life gets hard. We must raise each other up in times of need. We must raise each other when it feels like there is no hope. We are the problem AND the solution. Spread the love that this world needs.

No Boundaries November: Stereotypes

STEREOTYPE

a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.

We are all given stereotypes at sometime in our lives. Our race, ethnicity, size, aesthetics, sexuality, religion...stereotypes are the dark side of society. I have been dealt a great deal of adversity in my lifetime all deriving from the twisted source that is an oversimplified idea about who I am, where I come from -- what I am capable of. People can tell you that you can't do something because you're too black, too white, too fat, too skinny, too nerdy, too introverted, too tall, too short, too gay, too religious...the list goes on and on. But let me just say this one thing to you all. Stereotypes are a fixed part society, they come from ignorance. When people do not understand something they look to their television screens, to pop culture websites, even the news -- ALL places not worthy of such research. Media is the biggest promoter of stereotypes. We live in a world where a death can't make prime-time news unless it has enough "shock factor," enough wow to make viewer ratings go up. So please, don't try to learn about me and my culture through your media venues. You will come out thinking that I am supposed to only love rap music, that because I am slightly larger that I am not agile, flexible, athletic in any way, that just because I am black I will not be successful or have the potential to be a millionaire. Well let me tell you something, all my life have been called something. Lazy, stupid, gay, nigger, loser, white-washed. But none of that matters. Look at where I am! I am at the University of Washington, working in a worldly known graduate lab as an undergraduate! My point is, throw whatever stereotype you want at me -- give me a challenge! I will twist and turn your mind until you see that I am nothing like the person you saw on tv, nothing like that cookie cutter image of a young black man in society that makes you feel secure. We shouldn't have to give groups of people labels to make ourselves feel comfortable.

This past weekend I watched an episode of Oprah's Next Chapter with Rob Bell and I was enlightened by something that he said. "We're wired for the mysterious. We love it. We're drawn to it. You can't stifle it." This is beyond true in every way. We as humans have a need to understand the mysterious -- what we cannot explain. We want the easiest way to find out the truth, to find out how we all tick. Unfortunately, sometimes we crave it so much that we take short cuts to get a quick gratification for our guilty pleasures. This is where stereotypes come from. We don't want to have to do the work to figure out each every person in this world, so we give oversimplified labels to something beautiful -- our originality. 

A war is what we are fighting. Get your weapons ready because the army's shadow has already cast over the horizon. Brace yourselves. Do your research, find out what the past has brought us before. Read about your culture, where you come from, and find out for yourself where you are going -- AND FIGHT FOR IT. We all need a reason to fight, and I know for damn sure that my future is enough for me, what about you? Do you have enough ambition to stand up against ignorance, to make people see that you are one of a kind? We are perfection: perfectly crafted, perfectly sculpted, perfectly painted -- a work of art. Don't let stereotypes make you forget, if you do, then this war has already been lost.

Listen to this, listen to the lyrics, you are a Warrior. You are an Ambitious Daydreamer.