What Is Fame Anymore?

Today, I have a lot of disappointment inside for the reality we live in. As of now, "twerk" is in the Oxford Dictionary...literally typing those words disgusts me. Not because twerking is a terrible thing, but because of what this stands for. I admit, I occasionally go to parties, I 'turn-up', I twerk with my friends for a laugh. But that's it. We don't campaign for twerking to be a movement. A movement for what? To teach kids younger than I am that they should dance provocatively for a like on Facebook, a Revine to make it on the Best Vines page, a favorite on Twitter. Please, I am honestly here to voice my opinion that it is enough. Twerking has been around the world WAY before there was even a name for it. But why is it, that when people like Miley Cyrus begin to sponsor it, it THEN becomes a craze? (And I am not singling just her out as the sole person of my frustration, but her recent performance at the VMAs has stirred a lot of uproar.) Twerking is now being seen as a part of our culture, because celebrities make it that way. I am just bothered because as another human being, I would never promote this as something EVERYONE should be doing. Hell, if you are up with the slang of today, I know that when I twerk it's ratchet. Ratchet in every way. In other terms, it's not something you would WANT millions of people to see you doing. I am just here to clarify for all of you that we forget that celebrities are just regular human beings with a talent. Understand that I don't hate any celebrity. I respect them for their craft and originality, but realize with all your success, you have millions upon millions of people watching you. Did we forget somewhere down the road that the derivative of the word celebrity, is to celebrate? These are supposed to be celebrated people -- famous people. But what I see in front of me are people who are telling us and our youth to pop our asses in public spaces, pop a molly, allow men to exploit women. You know, I am an avid listener of all types of music and you can see me dancing to Trinidad or Blurred Lines -- ready to party. But I know, that if I were famous, or celebrated for that matter, I would not want people to associate those acts with me. Personally, I do wish to become a celebrated person. Not for the fame or the fortune, but so people can hear my voice, my story, and feel inspired. We have millions of young people today that worship people like Justin Bieber and One Direction on a scary level. But we look past it, because it's just 'childish' behavior. WRONG. We cannot forget that these people on our TV screens are human beings as well, and when you worship another HUMAN BEING, you lose your humanity. We cannot allow this budding generation to strive to be someone else. They should be taught to better themselves -- to be happy with their own talents, not someone else's. In a nutshell, I am just bothered. As someone who wants their voice to be heard around the world -- I am bothered. Being a celebrity gives you power, and now we see that you can even influence what goes in our dictionary, for EVERYONE to learn from. (And I don't mean Urban Dictionary) Being celebrated by millions should bring greater things than THIS and that's all I have to say.

This Is Me.

Ambition is defined as a strong desire -- to achieve or do something. Something that requires hard work and determination. To daydream is defined as a pleasant visionary, a wishful creation of the imagination.

I am an Ambitious Daydreamer. But does that really mean? What is that clever title at the top of my blog? Where and how did he come up with that? These are questions I assume you all have been wondering, and today I want to let you in. Let you in on my reality that I wish to create. To be ambitious requires audacity -- the audacity to fight for what you believe in. That's what I have right now...and will continue to have for my entire life. I believe in self happiness. I believe in the motivation of others. We are all sufferers of this thing called life. We should support each other in our journeys to happiness. As I grew up, I suffered from things that I don't want my future children to. I was broken down by the familiar and the strange. People close and distant stripped me from my ambitions. They stripped me from my yearning to dream. Some people say that dreams are for the weak -- for the people stuck in their ways. But I am here to say that dreams are a gateway to a better life. Dreams are meant for those who see a reality that does not function the way they see fit. So I dream, but in the light of the reality before me. I daydream. I daydream of a world where kids and teens don't believe they must take their own lives to ease the pain. I daydream of a world where students can walk into a school, and not worry about the safety of themselves and their dreams. I daydream of a world where everyone is treated equally regardless of their faith, race, orientation, size, aesthetics, morals, and radically different backgrounds. I daydream because I see the world that I wish to see, but I do not become ignorant of the reality around me. I refuse to live in the imaginary, but instead wish to merge this beauty with the reality around me. That's what daydreaming is all about. You see the world and see where your dreams can improve it. On the other hand, it takes ambition. It takes ambition to step out of the 'normal' and speak your mind -- to share your dreams. Ambition is what some of the greatest innovators in our history had. They dreamed of something greater than their present, and fought for the future they wished to see. When I think of Ambitious Daydreamers I think of Martin Luther King Jr. I think of Nelson Mandela. I think of Mahatma Gandhi. I think of Rosa Parks. I think of the Little Rock Nine. I think of Jackie Robinson. I think of any person who has changed this world for the better -- with their Ambitious Daydreams. We as human beings have a duty. We have a duty to take advantage of the time we have on this earth and make a difference. We must be remembered for our improvements and not for our mistakes. That is why I write on this blog. I don't write these posts and share them for a like on Facebook, or a retweet on Twitter. I do this so MY Ambitious Daydreams can reach you all, and the rest of the world. I want people to know my name and associate it with motivation and innovation. I want to change the world and create the beauty that has been inside my every dream. I have a fire inside me that cannot be extinguished. I want my children to live in a world that is better than the one I see now. It will be better because their father didn't just sit and watch as others made a difference. It will be because he stood up for his dreams and made them heard around the world. I am an Ambitious Daydreamer. I see a beautiful world inside my daydreams of the reality we live in, and wish to share it with the world. So I daydream -- I daydream ambitiously in order to create the world I wish to live in. I urge you all to do the same. Become the Ambitious Daydreamer you need to be to make your happiness attainable. Don't let others keep you away from the life you were destined to have. Fight for your dreams, and you will see a world so much greater. No longer will you just survive through life -- you will thrive in a world YOU helped create.

Insert Title Here.

Every once in a blue moon, it's okay to be inherently livid with yourself. That's what I am right now. I am angry, furious, pissed off, aggravated -- with myself. Why? I have this disease. It's the cause for the destruction of good people. Sounds intense right? It's called unconditional love. I'm sure you've heard of it. Let's discuss the symptoms: I physically, emotionally, mentally, cannot lose someone who is or once was close to me. No matter what they have done, however they have wronged me, deserted me...I refuse to lose a part of me. That is what I do, I give pieces of myself away when I love others. Close friends, lovers, family. All of them get the same treatment. I dump my energy into them. I make sure they know that when the rest of the world may seem to be against them -- I am here. Cheering them on, with open arms, ready to soothe their pains. Ultimately, I never want people to feel the way that I have before. I want people to know that their life is important, that it has substance. That having them in my life has changed it in ways that they cannot understand. Unfortunately, by doing this so often, I tend to forget about myself. What is it that I want? What do I need? I give so much away with the thought, 'I don't need anything in return'. Please, who am I kidding?! While I do everything out of the pure love in my heart, I sure do wish I could get something back sometimes. Maybe just a little? A fraction? Hell I want people to see that I am struggling too. I want people to realize that I am not a one emotion kind of person. I am not always happy! I feel sad, depressed, ANGRY just as much as the next person. I guess what I am trying to say is, I love and care for people so hard, that I become exhausted from my loss of energy. I just want someone to come and give me a recharge. Just the smallest amount would go a long way. I would just like to have some reserves so I am not just running on fumes all of the time. I would just like some medication for my disease.

Excuse my rant. But I feel like a lot of people suffer from the same disease as me. If that's you, you just need to realize when you are running out of fuel. AND PUSH ON THE DAMN BRAKES! Don't push yourself to the breaking point for people that won't give you anything in return. Love yourself immensely before you immensely love others. And be wise in your choices, because not everyone has the same kind of love as you do.

Clarity

Nobody has ever made me feel the things that you have. Maybe that's why I am afraid of you so much -- afraid of myself around you. There is something about you that makes me light up like a million fireflies rustling in the night sky. You are my galaxy and I want to get lost on a star trek with you -- discovering thousands of reasons to shine bright together. And when our stars have lost their spark we will venture back to our center and look out at the beauty we created together and rediscover the reason for this perfection. Perfection -- that is what you give me. Perfection -- countless texts, funny phone calls, ugly moments, irritations, huge smiles, childish giggles. This perfection is why you are my happiness and biggest fear. Just like a bird waiting to fly into the beautiful sky, I hesitate at this beauty because I am afraid -- afraid of falling to ground, just I did before. You were my unfortunate tragedy, my happily never after. But why do I still find remedies for my pain with you? There are billions of people in this world, but why am I so attached to you? I find home in your warm embrace. I find comfort in your voice. I find hope with your love. Relentless waves are crashing into me. Knocking me down, picking me up, and throwing me back into your oceans. And just when I think the emotions that have been tucked away will drown me. You give me reassurance of my safety. It's this tug and pull that keeps me running back to you. This never ending question of will I be okay? It's this seducing adrenaline rush that makes my body want you. It's as if my only way to regain homeostasis is to have you in my embrace. Your my disease and my cure. My addiction and my rehabilitation. As long as you dwell in my realm of consciousness then my reality makes sense. Friendship is what I require from you, but anything more would just be bonus achievements in this game that we are playing. You're confusing beyond belief, and I must be insane for loving you. But if this love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Sexual Healing

The title alone should tell you that this post is going to be quite personal. haha But maybe not as X-Rated as you think. Since I am so humbled by the amount of people that actually read my posts, I figured I should do something a little crazy for the beginning of this month! Today, I'm gonna talk about..........owning your self. And the only way I know how, is to use myself as a guinea pig!

As I have told you, I don't have the greatest past with loving myself and being confident due to my junior high experience. Let me just tell you why I was bullied so hard....a ninth grader, told the entire school that I made out with him. That we were seeing each other in private. I bet you're wondering....How could he come up with is? How did he know you, a seventh grader? It all started because he knew a very close friend of mine and one day at lunch he didn't have anywhere to sit, so we offered him a seat at our table. He and I barely had much communication because I barely knew him, but it certainly wasn't awkward having the school's 'Token Gay Guy' sit at our table. He was just another regular person to me. I had always been taught to accept everyone and not judge by what is said about them, but what they say about themselves. Never did I think that my niceness would put me into the worst situation of my entire life. His one little lie had the whole school believe something about me that I had never even thought about -- even fathomed. This drove me to questioning my whole life -- my mannerisms, my voice, my friends, my clothes. Was I very thing they screamed into my ear as they kicked me into the ground in the fields? Was I worthy of even living? How could one's sexuality really bring so much hurt and pain? I didn't even tell anyone the dark secret that I was, God forbid, straight!

After years of making better friends, better choices, better thoughts about myself. I have realized something about my sexuality. IT IS MINE. No matter how many people want to label me and throw me into whatever group they see fit. I don't fit into any of them, trust me I tried. I am Demetrius Aaron-Matthew LeNoir. I am a human being who happens to love the world equally regardless of their age, sex, gender, creed, religion, race. DEAL WITH IT. Ironically, I have chosen to live through the very thing that tormented me into almost taking my own life -- my sexuality. My sexuality is complex, unique, perfect, and mine. I love everyone around me because they add to the person that I am. Crazy, smart, loving, passionate, flirtatious, and a great motivator. Ultimately, what I want you all to understand is this: someone's sexuality doesn't need to be tattooed on their forehead. It doesn't determine their character or how much they are worth. So STOP trying to pry into other's privacy and making their lives a living hell. Take it from me, I was one more derogatory comment from making a very selfish move. But I praise God that I had the strength to make it through and able to sit here in front of this computer and have a story to tell all of you. Finding out how to own your self is hard, but you have to find confidence somewhere. There is something about you that makes you YOU and it's that very thing that draws people towards you. Start loving that person in the mirror before its too late and your life is wasted hating simple things about yourself. Start being more positive and do some soul searching, because I guarantee that it will be worth it. I definitely don't think that I am where I want to be, but I am so happy that I am not where I was. Its the small steps that count most. ---- I love you all, and thank you for supporting me this far!