Listen

This morning I woke up knowing that today is going to be one of the biggest days of my life. A day that has needed to come for a long time -- I have just been too afraid to accept myself and make you listen. I love you. It may not be said all of the time, it may not be shown through my actions, but you need to know that I wouldn't be here without you. We have had our differences, we have had our blow ups...but you are who I have always wanted to support me -- support my dreams. I have spent a long time trying to pick up the pieces that have been broken for so long, and now I feel like I have figured out this large puzzle that is my life. It's been a seven year journey. I have been torn down, brought up, and broken, but here I am still fighting for what I believe in, trying to figure out how it is that I am supposed to change the world. I realize that I thought I could do it in other ways -- I thought it was conducive to my personality. But you must realize that when that dream was created, I was still trying to figure out what my personality really was. I had an idea -- help people, but maybe that wasn't in the way I knew would make me happy -- make my life worth while. I know that you have supported this dream with your all, but I am asking you to support this new dream with just as much excitement, just as much fire. I want you in my corner, cheering me on, telling me everything is going to be okay. That's what your supposed to do. I know that you want me to be successful, as do I, but you have to see me. See the person in front of you. I am not that person I thought I was. I am someone greater, someone who will be heard all around the world. Just trust me. I know what I am doing. I have prayed and prayed. I have dropped to my knees pleading God to show me some kind sign -- help me see what I am supposed to do with my talents...and he answered back. Trust in Him. Trust in me. Trust in my dreams. I will change this world in ways I can't even imagine, but I know it won't be as rewarding if I don't have your support. I can see the finish line. I can see where I am going to be. Turn your tunnel vision to mine, and you will see a life so much greater for me. This is my life. My dreams. Let me make decisions for myself, and just tell me it's going to be okay. I know you don't see the success that I do right now, but trust me, something big is coming. You just have to listen. I really hope you listen to this voice inside me. It's been hidden for so long, a long time coming -- but I have never felt more drive to do anything else in my life before. I have saved myself, brought myself to see the real me, and now I have been shown what this life has to offer me. Just listen to this excitement inside, and I guarantee you will hear me. Hear this voice. Hear my dreams. Just listen.

Sappy September: ALEC

ALEC

Man oh man...Alec Baldwin! You mean so much to me, how do I put this all into a post?! To start things off, I will say that this kid right here is literally my "go-to" person for all of my juicy tales of life. We can literally talk for hours about the most ugly things and not feel any shame! I guess everyone just needs that one friend that they can be extremely ugly with and have NO care in the world. Alec is my go to person for ALL of my social life. We are literally in sync about everything and sometimes it just scares me! It's crazy when someone is already aware of how you're feeling, or what you're about to say...it's crazy cause that doesn't happen everyday. Alec is a diamond in the rough. He doesn't realize how amazing he is as a person, or just how much he influences my life, but he is definitely on the right path. Food for thought: Only surround yourself with people who have the same level of ambition as you, and can help you better yourself. Alec achieves just that. While we have our differences -- we are one in the same. He is literally a brother to me. The younger brother I never had! I always smile inside when we have deep conversations because I feel myself teaching him things and then him teaching me even more. It is quite literally a humbling experience and I wouldn't change it for the world. Alec has filled the hole in my life that was missing for SO long. He has become that guy that is just always there, ready to laugh with you about life and see the greater things. This is why I love him so much and I would never want him to leave my life, he is consistent and perf. 

What is my biggest lesson learned from Alec?

Alec has taught me to accept the more ratchet side of my self. That sounds like a bad thing, but everyone needs to feel comfortable with who they truly are -- Alec helped me do that. He has taught me that it doesn't matter what people think of you, as long as you are living your life the way you see fit, you're doing it right! Alec and I both have our dark pasts, but here we are, together, at the same school, trying to live the best life possible. I can't help but feel like our friendship has been written WAY before our time, and I am beyond excited for what we will do together to change the world. Alec...I love you, you're my young padawan, my great friend...pretty much family. Thank you for being yourself and allowing me to invade your life! Stay amazing, and "just throw it back!" 

Take Back The Night

So here I am, sitting in Mercer Court and I couldn't be happier! If you aren't aware, I attend one of the greatest universities ever, the University of Washington! Let me just being by saying thank you to the beautiful city of Seattle for making me fall in love with you, and helping me call this place home for a second year. Going to college has ALWAYS been a goal for me and I just know that I couldn't be any happier at any other place. The classes, the architecture, the people, my amazing friends...what more could you ask for? This is probably the best place to discover yourself and be creative. I just feel so blessed to be here and it got me thinking, EVERYONE should be able to experience this perfection. I look at my room, my campus, and I just see a place that I call home. I look at my beautiful group of friends I have acquired and I can't help but want to cry. This is a crazy amount of happiness that I have never experienced before. While I can't disclose the name of my close-knit group of friends for ratchet reasons, just know that I am surrounded by amazingness. I usually am not the one to brag, but let me just tell y'all, these people are PHENOMENAL. They understand me, and I can literally be myself around them. I never find myself holding back in protection from judgement, I just simply act how I want -- when I want. That is something that is hard to find... but I found with my PPP's! I love them so much, and I am just so happy that we are all here again, ready to make campus our stomping ground! Last year was nothing short of perfection. We made a little family, and had the time of our lives! We had fights, make ups, hiccups, and turn ups -- and I wouldn't change a thing! But let it be known, this year we are coming back with a BANG, socially AND academically. We will take back the night AND the classrooms. This year is going to be something to talk about and I am just feeling beyond blessed. I feel like so many things are starting to fall in place now that I am here and it just brings me back to myself. 

Everyone should be able to experience this euphoria. It just takes some recycling of your friends. Find people that have your best interests in mind, and see you for the person that you REALLY are. Be yourself, don't be afraid of rejection. Go out there, make this world your stomping ground, and take back your life. Take back control. Take back the REAL you and show the world what you're REALLY made of.

My inspiration for this post? JT OBVIOUSLY!

Life Is All About Choices...

WARNING:

This post is explicit and may not be suitable for all audiences.

For those of you that have continued to read this post, I would first like to ask you to play the song above to get a feel for my emotions right now.

This is my blog. Like I told you all before, this is a place to understand yourself. And I wouldn't be helping you, if I didn't cover ALL emotions...like those of rage. Rage is what I feel right now. This is an emotion I don't feel too often, but there are those rare occurrences where people push me over the edge. I can only take so much foolishness before I must take action. I must clean house. My brain and my bones don't want to take this blatant disrespect anymore. I have done nothing but love you. Nothing but put all of your feelings before mine. But let me just tell you, I am exhausted. I'm exhausted with feeling like your consistently lying to me. Simple things are withheld, shady actions have been revealed, and I am here to say its enough. I have been burned by your lies several times before and I see what they can do to me. But for some reason I let them go unnoticed.... For some reason I am always the target for people's insecurities. I don't understand. Am I just a good punching bag? Am I the perfect scapegoat? NO. I am none of those things. So I'm sorry if people were confused, but if you treat me in such a way, and you will be dismissed.

And let me just clarify. I am not a victim. The situation that I am in is partially MY fault. Life is about choices. We have the ability to make good ones...and really stupid ones. I made the choice to overlook every shady moment, every piece of evidence that said people didn't have my well being in mind. Unfortunately, my loving self didn't confront every doubt I had in my mind, and look at where this has gotten me. This is something we should think about. Why do we continuously let the wrong people in? Why do we allow people to run our lives? Why do we overlook the bad, when it obviously outweighs the good? It's because we are human. We are wired to love others. But our love should not cloud our judgement. When that happens, we are susceptible to experience the tragedy of betrayal and disappointment. I've learned my lesson. It doesn't matter how much you care about people, they are going to ALWAYS make their OWN choices. Does this mean we shouldn't trust people? NO. We should trust that people wouldn't hurt us, but as soon as you have some doubt, DO NOT doubt your intuition, confront your feelings and protect yourself. Because if you don't, you will end up scorned. Make your OWN decision to fight for your life.

So yes, I am enraged. I'm enraged at other people's actions, but I am also enraged with myself for allowing such indecencies to occur for THIS long. I should have protected myself when I had the chance. But now I no longer will have to worry about what's going on. I can move on. I can go back to school completely open to whatever comes my way and I am thankful. I just wished it happened on better terms. 

I Live For The Applause

So this post was not planned in any way...but I just got really emotional, motivated, excited, etc. I can't even think of one word that sums up what I am feeling right now! I really just wanted to take this moment to say thank you to everyone who has supported my blog thus far. I don't think y'all really understand how much this means to me! As someone who usually doesn't like to be in the limelight, this whole experience has helped me understand myself even more. I have come to realize that being celebrated for your strengths is not a bad thing, it doesn't make you a terrible person to accept compliments! I feel like a lot of people understand what I mean when I say compliments make me slightly uncomfortable. Not that compliments aren't good, it's just hard to look at yourself as someone that awesome or influential. But I think that its just being humble -- to not need people to notice your every accomplishment. On the other hand, being extremely humble may strip you from advances in life, which is not okay. Having this blog has taught me that, it's okay to be overjoyed with a compliment or a nice comment. We live for some type of recognition of our strengths. As much as people, including myself, don't want to admit it, getting applause for being yourself is the greatest feeling in the world. Don't judge me, but I think that's why I love Applause by Lady Gaga so much. While many people think that she's weird or whatever, she has to be one of the most metaphorical artists right now. I love a song that can make you look for deeper meanings and that's what this song does. While the track is a thank you to her fans, she's showing vulnerability by telling us that she literally lives for the applause -- for being herself. I can relate to that. I started this blog as a way to express myself and get out whatever thoughts I didn't think society would like too much. I never thought that people would actually read my posts, let alone compliment me on them. Now that y'all have taught me that it's okay to love applause, I know that I want to go far with the sole purpose of my blog: the motivation of others. While I live for the applause, I also want others to be applauded on their journeys to happiness. Daydreaming ambitiously is my calling, and that's what I am hoping to instill in all of you! So when you mention my blog, retweet and share my posts, know that you are giving me some of the greatest joy I have ever experienced. The support I am receiving for just being myself still freaks me out, but just know that I love it all! So I applaud you all for being amazing and making my life so much better -- I just hope I'm doing the same for you!

Sappy September: AMOS

AMOS

Wow...this kid right here is something else. Quite literally. I feel like everyone has that friend that is incredibly in sync with them. That one friend that can piss you off more than all the others, not because their a terrible person, but because their words mean so much to you. Amos is that friend. Man, I don't even know where to start...the beginning? Looking back at junior high, I had several classes with this kid, but he really became relevant to me one day at lunch. Lunch was probably one of my most hated times in junior high because I had to sit in the same room and eat with all of the people that bullied me so hard. I would see how people would pick and choose when they wanted to talk to me so they wouldn't be judged...but one day this Asian kid came up to my friend and I and started talking to us. I honestly gave him the weirdest look at first cause I was like, "Dude do you not know the rules?!?!" But clearly he was unaware that people hated me, or maybe he just didn't care. Regardless, I'm glad he walked up to us that day because looking at my life right now, it wouldn't make sense without this guy right here. It's funny because after that day I started to see him around a lot more (funny how that works) but then the ultimate surprise happened. Apparently we had mutual friends, because when Jr. and Chloe invited me to their house for their birthday, there he was chilling on the couch, as well as many other friends I made recently. As soon as I saw this scene I knew God was blessing me with a way out of my darkness. And it was in the form of this tiny group of people. (Yeah my friend group used to be really small haha) Anyway, from the start Amos and I were extremely close, and then when he moved, we got even closer. Amos and I have been through it all, and I can't help but feel happy and blessed that I have him in my life. He's a very passionate individual and cares about others way more than he needs to, but hey, we all have our ways of life! Anyway, I love this kid, and I'm glad we are still close after everything that has come our way!

What is my biggest lesson learned from Amos?

Amos has taught me several things....he has taught me that friendship can be a saving grace -- even when it seems like everything is completely wrong. He has also taught me to trust people and always give second chances -- cause that second chance might just be much better than the first. I think it's weird that people always try to come in between my friendship with this kid, but let me just make one thing clear. My friendships are very serious to me, and I never give up on them, especially when they are extremely important to me. Drama may come our way, we may make mistakes, but this guy is always going to be one of my closest friends. Period. So I will end by saying thank you for being such an awesome person and enduring all of my craziness for this many years. You're gonna be tattooed on my soul forever along with some of my greatest friends and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Sappy September: CONNIE

CONNIE

Meet the best roommate in the history of roommates....Connor Mullaney! This guy right here is the main reason why my freshman year was as amazing as it was. If you are in college or are headed there this year, you know that your roommate can be an outright spawn of the devil, or in most cases, just irrelevant to your life. I walked into the year not wanting a terrible relationship like that with my roommate -- I just hoped they would be able to handle my craziness! Let me just take y'all back...back to move-in day of last year. Isa and I were helping each other move into our rooms and mine was first, meaning we had to run like wild animals and get my stuff in my room and move on to hers as fast as possible. As I'm putting the sheets on my bed, sweating, freaking out, my mom hits me and tells me to say hello to my roommate! You can only imagine how nervous I was, cause this first encounter was going to define the year -- and boy it did just that! I turned around shouted a bunch of stuff, your usual greetings with a stressed out flare. Then, I ran out of there. How awkward. But surprisingly he just accepted my weirdness and kept on. Haha If you have had the chance to meet Connor, you know that he is pretty independent -- an introvert. And because of that people would begin to believe that we wouldn't mesh because I am somewhat of an extroverted high-breed. But personality types aside, Connor and I hit it off after the first week. And after that, we were connected at the hip. It's funny because we became the roommate duo that everyone envied! Connor is the surprise I am most happy about from freshman year. We may have different backgrounds, different personalities, different styles, but this is why he has became one of my best friends! I love this kid after only so many months, and while he tells everyone I have changed his life, he's changed mine in ways I didn't think possible.

What is my biggest lesson learned from Connie?

Connie has taught me that people who seem to be so opposite, can become the closest of friends. He has also taught me that I should be more confident in myself and my interactions with others. This guy lived with me, in a dorm, for over 9 months, and did not go crazy. He didn't bail out on me like past friendships have. He quite literally accepted me as a person and and allowed me to just do me. That's saying a lot. By the end of the year, Connie seemed to be a new and improved person and I can't wait to spend another year with this guy! He's way more outgoing, and while he tries to give me credit, he did it all on his own. So I guess I should end by saying, thank you. Thank you for helping me expand my horizons as a person and helping me through so much. Thank you for being an amazing roommate. But most of all, thank you for being one of the best friends I could ever ask for!

Sappy September: ISANCA

ISANCA

Welcome to a very special month for me...Sappy September! This month I will be starting my second year at the University of Washington in Seattle and I can't help but be beyond excited for what this school year has to come. SO in celebration, I will be highlighting some of my most treasured Ambitious Daydreamers. The reason for my crazy personality. The people that inspire me the most in life and while they don't know it yet, I dedicate my blogs success to all of them! Without these people I wouldn't be where I am today and I must thank them publicly. SO LET'S GET STARTED!

Today I wanna talk about my OTP (One True Pairing). Isa Call and Bianca Bejar are two of the most beautiful people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. While this ship you see before you has been short-lived -- it is the sole reason why I stay afloat sometimes. These two are my yin and yang. They are my fire and ice. They are straight perfection. Let's begin with Isa. She is probably the biggest blessing God has given me. She is my bestfriend. Whenever I think I can't make it through, this girl is right there to snap me right into reality and keep me pushing on. This girl has watched me grow into the man that I am today and I am here to publicly thank her for sticking with me the whole time and giving me the best friendship I have ever had. This girl right here is the reason why I am at one of the most amazing schools ever, having the best time of my life. When we both got accepted into UW I knew I had to share this journey with my bestfriend. Yeah, I could have left across the country for full rides, but I wanted this ride to be something I will NEVER forget, and I couldn't be happier I chose this rode with her. WHY? Because on this rode I met one of the most perf people ever.....Byon-son..better known by her slave name, Bianca. Haha Now this girl right here is something else! While I have only known her for just about a year, she has taken over my heart and helped me realize that the best friendships are not measured by their length, but by how influential and effortless they can be. I really don't think she realizes just how amazing she really is. Seriously, if this girl is in your presence, you WILL be having a great time, there's just no question. Bianca is my beautiful surprise and I am so happy that life has brought us together. Cause I'm hooked on this beautiful soul in front of me. 

  

What is my biggest lesson learned from these two?

Isanca have taught me to love myself no matter how ratchet or crazy I can be. Together they are my longest and newest friendships and I couldn't be happier to have them in my life. Whenever I am alone I almost cry when I think of how lucky I am to have these two amazing people in my life, and I literally mean that. So thank you -- thank you both for teaching me that I shouldn't be unhappy with my imperfections, but instead embrace them, for they are the exact reason why you both love me..and that's the best perfection I have experienced in life thus far <3