Life Is All About Choices...

WARNING:

This post is explicit and may not be suitable for all audiences.

For those of you that have continued to read this post, I would first like to ask you to play the song above to get a feel for my emotions right now.

This is my blog. Like I told you all before, this is a place to understand yourself. And I wouldn't be helping you, if I didn't cover ALL emotions...like those of rage. Rage is what I feel right now. This is an emotion I don't feel too often, but there are those rare occurrences where people push me over the edge. I can only take so much foolishness before I must take action. I must clean house. My brain and my bones don't want to take this blatant disrespect anymore. I have done nothing but love you. Nothing but put all of your feelings before mine. But let me just tell you, I am exhausted. I'm exhausted with feeling like your consistently lying to me. Simple things are withheld, shady actions have been revealed, and I am here to say its enough. I have been burned by your lies several times before and I see what they can do to me. But for some reason I let them go unnoticed.... For some reason I am always the target for people's insecurities. I don't understand. Am I just a good punching bag? Am I the perfect scapegoat? NO. I am none of those things. So I'm sorry if people were confused, but if you treat me in such a way, and you will be dismissed.

And let me just clarify. I am not a victim. The situation that I am in is partially MY fault. Life is about choices. We have the ability to make good ones...and really stupid ones. I made the choice to overlook every shady moment, every piece of evidence that said people didn't have my well being in mind. Unfortunately, my loving self didn't confront every doubt I had in my mind, and look at where this has gotten me. This is something we should think about. Why do we continuously let the wrong people in? Why do we allow people to run our lives? Why do we overlook the bad, when it obviously outweighs the good? It's because we are human. We are wired to love others. But our love should not cloud our judgement. When that happens, we are susceptible to experience the tragedy of betrayal and disappointment. I've learned my lesson. It doesn't matter how much you care about people, they are going to ALWAYS make their OWN choices. Does this mean we shouldn't trust people? NO. We should trust that people wouldn't hurt us, but as soon as you have some doubt, DO NOT doubt your intuition, confront your feelings and protect yourself. Because if you don't, you will end up scorned. Make your OWN decision to fight for your life.

So yes, I am enraged. I'm enraged at other people's actions, but I am also enraged with myself for allowing such indecencies to occur for THIS long. I should have protected myself when I had the chance. But now I no longer will have to worry about what's going on. I can move on. I can go back to school completely open to whatever comes my way and I am thankful. I just wished it happened on better terms.