This post has given me so much trouble, BUT finally here it is! I hope you all enjoy the video because it took forever to compile! Before you watch it, let me leave you with some quotes, written by myself, to get your new year started!
"Don't let the mess of life stop you from acquiring the greatness it is ready to provide you, pick up your broom and sweep out the garbage, only then will you see the perfection life can bring."
"Life can sometimes seem boring and mundane, but when you are constantly working towards a greater self, newer and more exciting adventures will always come your way."
"Stop worrying about what other people are doing, worry about what YOU are doing to make your life as successful as possible."
"When life approaches you with a storm of negativity, head straight to the airport and get on the next flight to a place of solace."
"Acceptance and openness to new ideas is rare...step outside the norm and be different."
"Dreams are meant for those who see a reality that does not function the way they see fit. So I daydream -- I daydream ambitiously in order to create the world I wish to live in."
With that here is the link to my video! 2013 Review
Before I get into the post I would like to thank you all for making this month the most successful month for the blog to date! I really can't thank everyone enough for sharing the posts and giving me such beautiful feedback, it all literally warms my heart. I really do hope that you all continue to support me and my journey as I try to give you all helpful tips on how to get on the right path for your own!
Originally, this post was going to be about being thankful, in celebration of Thanksgiving...but something really touching and surprising just came my way and I can't help but respond to it! But before I continue, we must always remember that just because there is a day titled Thanksgiving does not mean that the other 364 days of the year you get to forget about it's lessons. I believe that holidays are meant to be reminders throughout the year to live the lives we are called to! Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, New Years, even Halloween! They all represent qualities ranging from giving, family, love, being thankful, creativity, and always working to change yourself for the better! So whenever you come across a holiday look at it is as a reminder rather than an obligation to do something you normally wouldn't.
Okay, so I think the best way to talk about what just happened to is to show you what was said,
"Hey I just stumbled upon your
blog...it is really good! Ummm this may be a little awkward considering I don't
think this is an advice blog...but I can really relate to this post. I'm in
junior high and I am bullied because of the way I dress. I guess it is too
"gay" or "girly" or w/e. Idk, I have been questioning
myself for a long time, and all of this hate makes a specific path seem dark
and lonely...I guess I just really want to hear what you think......I am sorry
if this is out of your realm, you don't have to answer this, but if you do I
would be really happy! :)"
This was a comment on my post Sexual Healing. If you haven't read it, click the link to get some reference to the comment.
Let me just begin by saying that this is a motivation blog, but also a place to find comfort and acceptance for who you are! So by definition -- this is also an advice blog. Also, I would like to say that I commend you for having the bravery to ask someone for help, that is the first step to get out of a tough situation like this. I am also humbled that you decided to look to me as a person for help! Honestly, I think the best way for me to help you out is to let you know what I did to get out of my dark time. First, stop second guessing your own decisions! Your clothing is YOUR clothing, if people don't like it then that is their problem. Don't allow external factors dictate how you feel about yourself internally! You are beautiful just the way your are and just because there are people who aren't mature enough or educated on the matter of self expression, doesn't mean you should stop dressing the way you feel comfortable. I realize Junior High is a tough time to discover yourself, but by the looks of it, you seem to be halfway there -- and that is saying something. When I was in Junior High I had absolutely NO clue as to what I was doing or who I was, so the aspect of bullying made it extremely worse. I think the second most important thing is to look at who you are allowing to influence your emotions, are these people really helping you achieve your own greatness or are they bringing you down to the lesser? While it is never easy to walk away from people you consider your friends, you also can't walk away from your own destiny. Find people who are going to accept you for YOU...that may seem impossible, but it isn't! If you have a good relationship with your family -- start with them! Then, you could move to finding new friends at school, or outside of school! There are billions of people in this world, so never feel like you are alone! :) The final piece of advice I would give to you is if you are questioning your sexuality -- don't beat yourself up about it or feel like you will be forever alone! Your sexuality is a part of you, and it should never be something you feel should like you need to hide! Maybe right now you still have more to figure out, but don't be afraid to explore your options -- there are no wrong answers to discovering yourself! :) Whether you decide you are straight, gay, bi, etc. it all doesn't matter! There is a community of people out there just like you, and there is an even greater group of people here to support such as myself! Never feel alone!
I really hope that some of this helped, and if you would like to get to know me personally, add me on Facebook or start emailing me! And if you ever feel like your problem is getting to aggressive, you can call this hotline 24/7 for professional help!800-442-HOPE (4673) And if your situation brings you physical/mental harm be sure to tell your parents or a teacher/counselor at your school! Stay blessed, and remember to always love yourself even when the rest of the world doesn't see your beauty! <3
Here is a song to lift your spirits! It is called Design by Tori Kelly. I have shared this song before on here, but i think this will really inspire you if you look at the lyrics in the description. I hope that your situation gets better and you begin to love your own design because you are beautiful -- no matter what anyone else says. <3
WATCH THE VIDEO! It isn't exactly what I wanted to do, but time is running out and I wanted to give all of you a peek at who I am! I am sorry it is long, but I told myself to just click record and go -- no editing!
Since I posted a video, I think what I really want to do with this post is say welcome to any newcomers, and thank you to each and every person who has supported me thus far. All of you mean the world to me, without your support I wouldn't be able to share my vision with the world and for that I am forever grateful! If you are just joining me on this journey, let me just tell you what this blog means to me and what it stands for. This is a place for motivation and inspiration and acceptance. Here you will feel rejuvenated, enlightened, and prepared to take on whatever this world throws at you! Ultimately, I want this to be a face for the under represented group -- regular people. I feel like we have gotten to a point in society where people strive to be someone else, and that doesn't work for me. So when you read my posts you will hear about my life and how I try to be the greatest me possible and spread my love to the entire world. Know that this is not a platform for fame, but rather a platform for me to speak my mind and change the world, this is my life. I live through my words. This idea of ambitiously following your dreams is literally my motto to life! Moreover, I want it to be a motto for all of you!
Also, in the future I will be expanding the blog to weekly Youtube videos as well, but in the meantime, bare with me on the videos and continue to read my blog posts!
Just to close things off, THANK YOU! Thank you for supporting my dreams, and being some of the greatest people I have ever encountered. I feel the love from you all, and I hope that I can continue to give it back! So when you clink the links, comment, or share my posts, realize you are making my every dream come true -- and for that I am grateful. Now my duty is to help all of you, and the rest of world do the same! So thank you for joining me on this amazing journey, and I hope that one day I can meet all of you and express my love!
Today I want to discuss the power of accepting adversity and emerging resilient, allowing the fire to burn at your feet -- ultimately rising majestic and powerful in your survival. In life we are expected to experience adversity, those "I can't take anymore" moments, but could it be that these moments are a gift placed at our feet, just waiting to be opened? Could it be that those very hellish moments are also the key to unlocking our true potential? Pain, suffering, anger, frustration, these are all forces amidst the beauty in this world. All of these forces circulate together in perfect harmony to show you the miracle of being. This cosmic flow is why we feel a breath of new life when a child is born. This is why we feel a departure of energy when we lose loved ones, but then a resurgence of understanding and connection when we accept our loss. We all experience beauty in our lives coupled with the shock of loss and adversity.
We must ask ourselves, "What would life be if we did not have to endure adversity? Would we still have the fire to be resilient and powerful?" In my opinion, without adversity there would be no conviction for us to strive for the greater, to look away from the lesser and go running towards our destiny. Why stop a terrible habit if we there are no consequences? Why stop to look at the beauty in this world when you could focus on the material things? Adversity enters our lives to remind us of our journey towards the greater. While it can seem never-ending and impossible to understand, adversity is a gift placed in front of us. We must accept the gift, and meticulously place it alongside the expected gifts life brings us. By expected gifts I mean the success, the relationships, family, friends, a passing grade, a beautiful sunset, the perfect career. All of these things are expected to enter our lives, we have been told this since the day we were born. On the other hand, there are gifts that we can't be told will come our way. These unexpected gifts are what occupy the space between each expected gift that life brings. We must cherish these gifts. A gift resides in every moment, but it takes our understanding of resilience and our life's journey to receive them as such things of beauty and force.
Look to the Sequoia tree for inspiration. These are the world's largest trees in respect to volume -- depth. The oldest tree happens to be 3,200 years old, but that isn't the greatest miracle that trees have harnessed. While they are beautiful in their statistics, their true nature is where we will find our lesson. The bark of the Sequoia tree happens to be about two feet thick -- causing the tree to be virtually fire resistant. In addition to this phenomena, their seed cones have also accepted high temperatures, ultimately joining the fire in a cosmic rhythm that cause them to blossom under dangerous conditions. While some seed shed under the normal heat of summer, the greatest number are liberated when they endure the heat from forest fires. We must let the fire burn at our feet -- ultimately rising majestic and powerful in our survival, just as the Sequoia.
I want to leave you all with my own personal story. Growing up I always loved going to spend nights at my grandparents house here in Washington. While my brothers and cousins would love to wrestle with my grandpa, I found greater joy in listening to him talk about his life. I also found myself enjoying my grandma singing the gospel as she cooked us breakfast, and drove us around town. While I didn't actually enjoy the music all of the time, I enjoyed her company. I enjoyed both my grandparents company twice as much, because I knew that on the other side of the country I had another set of grandparents that I barely knew. This was something that I always thought about as a child. How could you have family that you don't really know? How could you not see your grandparents every weekend? This caused me to write about my Grandma Bell in school. I would write about our phone calls, or the rare visits we would take to her house in Florida. While a lot of my life I did not get to say I knew her that well, I knew I loved her. So when I got the chance to get to know her this past year I was overjoyed. I felt extremely blessed that I finally had my grandma in my house -- in my state. Sitting with her watching Spongebob, Teen Wolf, Hallmark movies, and just having deep talks about life was probably the greatest joy I had felt in a long time -- I finally knew her. I finally had both sets of grandparents in one place -- the greatest luxury life has brought me. I had both sets on my birthday, both sets for family events, both sets at my graduation. My Grandma Bell got see me graduate before she passed away. She did the one thing she always told me she would -- she watched me take the next step in my life. After all the pain that junior high brought me, after all the clarity high school bestowed, she got to see me move towards my future. So, when she passed away I was devastated, I thought I had lost the connection that I had waited for my entire life -- but complete opposite happened. It got stronger. I live everyday feeling her energy flow through me as I walk to class every morning and look at the sunrise. I feel her before every midterm telling me, "Its all gonna work out Meat Man." I feel my grandma more than ever, and I plan to live my life in remembrance and joy of her presence. Life had brought me the miracle of connecting with her, and brought me the unexpected gift of her passing. While I didn't want to lose her, she was tired of suffering, tired of going in and out of the hospital. Little did I know that her passing would be the driving force to achieve my destiny. She believed in me more than anything, and I intend to make her proud.
I miss you more than anything Grandma, but I know that my life is not over, and I am doing the things that you knew I could. I love you, I miss you, I feel you, and I continue to live for you. Rest in peace, and continue to dance! Sincerely, Meat Man.
We must let the fire burn at our feet -- ultimately rising majestic and powerful in our survival.
As ripples head towards normality, a tidal wave of resistance and hate will try to defend the well-structured bubble. Let the wave wash over you, and the ripple will guide you through the storm -- in time the bubble will burst, and nothing will be the same.~~
Jealousy and hate are two things that drive the primitive nature of a simplistic life. Why strive to be someone else, when you could be the perfect you? Why tear down the success of others, when you could focus on creating your own? WHY waste your time to continually call my phone to try and break my pride? Let me just tell you, my stride cannot be broken so you might as well step off of me. Since I started this safe haven for myself and all of you, there has also been a select few that have tried to extinguish my flame. Oh, but this is not just any flame. This is an inferno. An inferno that has been brewing for nineteen long years. Nineteen years of hard work and sweat. Nineteen years of stored energy. And now it has been unleashed. And you think that words can bring me down? Wrong.
For the longest, I thought that if I took the time to address this issue, I would be giving power to the stupidity that is...but now I realize that this is a message we ALL need to hear. There is a pollution in the air -- and it is hatred. We must be our own filtration system and not allow external factors to effect our internal affairs. In order to do this, we must discover our own greatness. It takes time, but once you discover your destiny, your purpose, nothing will ever be the same. Words will never break you again -- hate will never bring you down. You will never be a product of hate because when you have this revelation, you understand the journey. You will understand the journey that we all must take to reach our highest calling. We are all meant for something special, but it takes an awareness of our greatness -- our destiny. We are destined for perfection, but we also must be clear that perfection is something we should not search for. Perfection is not something people can teach you. It isn't something that people can deem you. You were born into this world perfect. Perfectly crafted, perfectly molded, perfectly painted. Don't let anyone tell you different -- even yourself. While others can be the cause of our pain, we can dish ourselves the worst torture of all. Stop bringing yourself down! Stop allotting yourself second rate experiences, half ass friendships, and hand me down success. Your life is not meant for mediocrity, it should be a testament of success, spontaneity, and amazing life experiences. Don't put your destiny on the back burner, because when you do, that is when you become vulnerable to the hate. Hate will creep into your life when you forget to see yourself as the beautiful being that you are. Hate will creep into your life when you lose sight of your own destiny.
So let me just conclude with a message to everyone who has hated on me, and will hate on me in my future. I have been called a dumb nigger, a piece of shit, dirt underneath your feet. You have tried to label me as fake, a mistake, a walking disgrace, a fat ass, a walking piece of trash. I will give you credit, you almost broke me a LONG time ago, but years have past and I have shed my skin many times. I have created a barrier of love for myself and my destiny. I see my future and there is nothing that you can say or do to bring me down. I have continued to break through the bubbles that you have created for me and the rest of this world. So go ahead on hate on me! I am going to continue to do me, and that means stomping on every stereotype that you give me. Feel my destiny as it washes away the hate that you through on me. Feel my destiny as it changes this world. Feel my destiny as I continue to be a face of motivation and inspiration. I know my worth, I know my purpose, and I know my destiny. I am here for something greater, and I don't have time for the lesser. I pray that you discover your true purpose in life, because this is not it. But until then, continue to hate on me, because it only makes my fire grow stronger. I will continue to be the best me I can be right now, and I will strive to be even greater in my future. My ambitious daydreams will be heard around the world, and there is nothing you can do to stop this ripple. Your well-crafted bubble will be burst, and I will gladly be the one holding the needle.
~~
Thank you everyone who has supported my vision, and helped me spread the word that loving yourself is the key to success and our true purpose in life. Our destiny is our greatest weapon, and once we find it, no weapon formed against us shall prosper.
First of all I want to start off by introducing myself. My name is Bianca and I’m a friend of Deme’s here at University of Washington. Although I don’t have any blogging experience, I’m thankful Demetrius asked me to join him on this adventure. Hopefully I can make some good contributions and add a different perspective to things.
For my first post and going along with the theme of No Boundaries November I wanted to talk about words. When I say words I mean both the culturally insensitive use of certain words as well as the power of words. Now anyone that knows me knows I’m pretty passionate about this topic and it’s one I personally try to work against and raise awareness amongst those around me.
Living in Seattle as well as attending UW, I have been blessed to be surrounded by such a diverse population; people from different walks of life, different religions, different countries and cultural backgrounds, different social classes, and my favorite, different sexual orientations. One of the difficulties about being surrounded by such different people is remembering to be culturally sensitive and watching the things you say. As a society we have become so comfortable with casually throwing around certain words and phrases without thinking about how it may impact or offend those around us. Words like retarded, gay, faggot, nigga and phrases like “I’m going to kill myself” or “I got raped by.” Retarded and gay shouldn’t be used to describe things that are dumb or stupid or that you don’t like because you are associating a population to a negative meaning. By using those words to express negative feelings towards something you are saying that being special needs and gay are bad things. Words like faggot and the N-word are words that are offensive to the queer and Black community respectively. Many people believe that because the word is used within those communities that it is ok for everyone else to use when in fact that isn’t the case. The community that is affected by such words has control over it.
Now while the use of these words is offensive and insensitive, there is much more awareness about it. When it comes to the phrase I mentioned before, they are used maybe not more often but certainly with less resistance. Casually saying you’re going to kill yourself is extremely insensitive to those who have struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal attempts. Personally, I think it’s understandable to want to use such a phrase to express extreme frustration or annoyance or whatever it may be but it certainly isn’t acceptable. As someone who has struggled with these types of thoughts I know how difficult it is to hear people take something so lightly when it’s something that’s tearing you apart inside. Likewise, saying “I got raped by…” an exam or a game or a class, it is extremely insensitive to those whom have been raped. Using such a phrase fuels rape culture which is something we should not feed in to.
These words and phrases all belong to the bigger picture of our insensitivity to those around us and the belittling of the impact of words. Many times, we use words to hurt people on purpose or say that we’re just joking but we also don’t always realize how big of an impact it truly to makes. Anyone who has ever been bullied knows that the saying “sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you” is certainly not true. Words can be one of the most hurtful weapons and the problem. Words create bruises and scars, just like a stick or a stone, but the problem is that they aren’t always seen. When I was little I was teased and bullied almost every day. I would constantly come home crying but I wouldn’t talk to anyone because I was so ashamed, it got to the point where I didn’t even want to go to school and I honestly hated myself. Many times we focus more on children because it is a huge issue and they are so innocent and don’t like to see them hurt, but it is just as much of an issue with teens and even young adults. Despite the fact that I went through that, as I grew up I began making jokes at the expense of other people. I soon realized I was becoming exactly like those whom I resented. These days, I try to be as sensitive as I can but I will admit I still slip up. My point is, whether you’ve experienced being hurt by words or not, it’s easy to fall into that pattern where you use hurtful words.
Whether it be offensive, culturally insensitive, jokes, or just flat out hurtful and malicious words, we should all try to be a little more aware and attempt to change. It’s definitely not easy and it takes a while to break the habit but just being aware of the impact of what you say is a step in the right direction. I used to use words like retarded and gay all the time, I was probably one of the worst, but as I became more conscious of how it made others feel, I eliminated the negative use of those words in my day-to-day conversations. Stopping yourself from using those words the wrong way isn’t the end though, you have to raise awareness to those around you. Spread the Word to End the Word is a great campaign for the R-word but it is also applicable to the use of the words gay, fag, and the N-word. A little sensitivity and awareness is all you need to make a change.
Thank you all for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it and that it got you thinking a little bit. Please leave a comment and let us know how you felt about the post or me writing on here in general. Maybe you’ll see more from me in the future! :)
This weekend I had the opportunity to have time to myself and think about life, where I am going, just enjoy my own company. This is something I normally cannot do, so when I get the chance I pounce on it. In this time, I decided to watch Bridegroom, a movie I had been dying to see for weeks. This movie brought me to a hysterical sob. It struck me at a very personal spot. This movie is powerful beyond belief, and everyone should find the time to watch it. Go buy it, watch it on Netflix, find it somewhere and become educated on the age old story of true love.
Just so we are all clear, I am a believer in love. I am a believer in finding that person that makes you feel like life has so much more to offer. That person that makes your eyes gloss over from the high of euphoria. That person that makes you smile even when you want to throw a pan at their head. Your soul mate. I believe that love does not have a label. It is not just an emotion -- it is an ability. You exercise your ability to love when you connect with that special person. You exercise your ability to love when you make lifelong connections with your closest friends. You exercise your ability when you promote love for others.
Bridegroom is a movie about two men who found their purpose of life through each other. Two men that were each other's saving grace. They found each other at the most perfect time, and created the most perfect connection. Unfortunately, life dealt them some terrible cards, (this is not a spoiler) and one of them lost their life. From there, situations became more tense as the surviving partner tried to commemorate the others life at the expense of a family unwilling to accept their son's sexuality. A family unwilling to accept their child.
If you have followed me thus far, you know that I am person of Christian faith. I believe in God. But I don't believe in preaching hate, or not allowing love to run rapid through the universe. As the age old saying goes, God is LOVE. Love is not just something meant only for a man or a woman. It is a human thing. It is an ability meant to keep us closer to the greater. But for some reason, there are people who ridicule and attempt with their every bit of self to destroy other human beings for being themselves. That may seem harsh, but that is what you are doing when you shame someone for just being them. There are thousands of children right now struggling to figure themselves out, just trying to catch a break. I was one of those kids. I had an entire group of people telling me who I was, who I could love. And because of this, I almost took my own life. I could not bare the idea of being what they screamed as they stomped me into the ground. I couldn't bare the idea of being a walking sin, a disgrace to the world. That is what people have to feel because they are afraid of accepting who they are.
We are beings of love. We were created through love, whether it only be for that moment or an eternity. We are all put on this earth to figure out this lifelong mystery of love. It is beyond me how people can openly cast out others for trying to discover the meaning of life -- to love. We are supposed to love when we walk into our workplace. We our supposed to love when we embrace our families. We are supposed to love when we come into contact with things we cannot explain. We are supposed love. Loving each and every person for who they are is hard, I know this, but we cannot stop others from discovering the beauty that is life. We are supposed to raise each other up in our times of need. We are meant to climb the mountaintops and throw a rope down to help the others behind us. I understand that homosexuality may not be something you support, it may not be something that you want to be a part of. But let me just say that while you have the luxury of showing public displays of affection, legally binding yourself to your love, and being protected by law, other human beings are denied such simple constructs.
I guess what I really want to drive to you all with this post is that life is hard. Hell, we all have our struggles, getting up in the morning can sometimes be the hardest thing. But one thing we should never have to struggle with, is accepting ourselves. That should be the easiest task of all. Be the change in this world and just spread the love. Homosexuality is a topic we all may not understand, but just because we do not understand, does not give us the right to beat down a group of people that is already struggling. As someone who has been on the other side, I am telling you that what you find as harmless mockery can be the most harmful blow you can throw. Just remember that we are all beings of love, just trying to achieve our programming. We are programmed to love, and there is nothing we can do to stop it.
We must raise each other up, even when life gets hard. We must raise each other up in times of need. We must raise each other when it feels like there is no hope. We are the problem AND the solution. Spread the love that this world needs.
a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.
We are all given stereotypes at sometime in our lives. Our race, ethnicity, size, aesthetics, sexuality, religion...stereotypes are the dark side of society. I have been dealt a great deal of adversity in my lifetime all deriving from the twisted source that is an oversimplified idea about who I am, where I come from -- what I am capable of. People can tell you that you can't do something because you're too black, too white, too fat, too skinny, too nerdy, too introverted, too tall, too short, too gay, too religious...the list goes on and on. But let me just say this one thing to you all. Stereotypes are a fixed part society, they come from ignorance. When people do not understand something they look to their television screens, to pop culture websites, even the news -- ALL places not worthy of such research. Media is the biggest promoter of stereotypes. We live in a world where a death can't make prime-time news unless it has enough "shock factor," enough wow to make viewer ratings go up. So please, don't try to learn about me and my culture through your media venues. You will come out thinking that I am supposed to only love rap music, that because I am slightly larger that I am not agile, flexible, athletic in any way, that just because I am black I will not be successful or have the potential to be a millionaire. Well let me tell you something, all my life have been called something. Lazy, stupid, gay, nigger, loser, white-washed. But none of that matters. Look at where I am! I am at the University of Washington, working in a worldly known graduate lab as an undergraduate! My point is, throw whatever stereotype you want at me -- give me a challenge! I will twist and turn your mind until you see that I am nothing like the person you saw on tv, nothing like that cookie cutter image of a young black man in society that makes you feel secure. We shouldn't have to give groups of people labels to make ourselves feel comfortable.
This past weekend I watched an episode of Oprah's Next Chapter with Rob Bell and I was enlightened by something that he said. "We're wired for the mysterious. We love it. We're drawn to it. You can't stifle it." This is beyond true in every way. We as humans have a need to understand the mysterious -- what we cannot explain. We want the easiest way to find out the truth, to find out how we all tick. Unfortunately, sometimes we crave it so much that we take short cuts to get a quick gratification for our guilty pleasures. This is where stereotypes come from. We don't want to have to do the work to figure out each every person in this world, so we give oversimplified labels to something beautiful -- our originality. A war is what we are fighting. Get your weapons ready because the army's shadow has already cast over the horizon. Brace yourselves. Do your research, find out what the past has brought us before. Read about your culture, where you come from, and find out for yourself where you are going -- AND FIGHT FOR IT. We all need a reason to fight, and I know for damn sure that my future is enough for me, what about you? Do you have enough ambition to stand up against ignorance, to make people see that you are one of a kind? We are perfection: perfectly crafted, perfectly sculpted, perfectly painted -- a work of art. Don't let stereotypes make you forget, if you do, then this war has already been lost.
Listen to this, listen to the lyrics, you are a Warrior. You are an Ambitious Daydreamer.
When beautiful people come into your life you can sometimes become so comfortable and captivated by their perfection that you forget to be thankful for their presence. Comfort can be both our saving grace and our ticket to a roller coaster from hell. Unfortunately, some of us just ride the wave until we are stranded in the middle of ocean -- alone. Allowing this to happen is the tragedy of creating connections that you are not willing to nourish and sustain. Recently, I have been associated with this tragedy...but I was not the one riding the wave. I was standing at the shore, watching them drift away. Now here they are trying to paddle back to my shores, begging for a lifesaver. It feels like it has been a thousand years. A thousand years that I have loved you. A thousand more of me waiting to see you drift back into my horizons. But you need to take time to realize that I can no longer be a casualty of this civil war that you are fighting with yourself. While I value your presence, you don't even realize mine. You don't see me. I am not going to be the tragedy, I will be the celebration -- the survivor. While I should be angry with you, I want to say thank you. Thank you for showing me that the connections I create will not only be a benefit to me, but also cherished by the other. Creating happiness is a give and take affair. We are meant to go back and forth in our projections of love. We are meant to have an abundant surplus that is just there for our constant consumption. A never-ending happiness. That's what relationships are all about, whether they be with family, friends, lovers...its all the same. So by definition, I give everyone in my realm of consciousness the same treatment. If you are in my receptive field you will receive a stimulus from my love that will send your action potential haywire. I do this because everyone needs to know that their presence, even the little things, are seen and appreciated.
Since we are on the topic of being thankful...I do want to publicly thank some friends that made yesterday, and this morning a success. If you are in college, its that time of the quarter where you feel like the devil is poking at you every second. Some people call them midterms -- I call them something a little different, definitely not mom-approved. Whatever you call them, THEY ARE HERE! This week has been the epitome of terror as I had two midterms, one yesterday in Microeconomics and another this morning in Biopsychology. And on top of that I had two Math assignments due right in the middle of the storm. Saying that I was stressed would be the understatement of the century. I was so stressed that my chest felt as if it were going to concave from the wrecking ball of life. But in the midst of all of this, I remembered some things. Even when I am at my lowest, I can still look to my garden and find happiness in it. I could find comfort in my friends. They could be my saving grace. Suddenly I sprung into action and I began by calling Bianca, knowing that she would just listen to me vent and give me some reassurance. While I don't think she knows how much that five minute phone call meant, it definitely kept me from having a panic attack. So thank you! Then, after my midterm review session I looked to Kendall, knowing that his never-ending positivity would bring me some comfort. I proceeded to have him help me study for my midterm and finish my math assignments -- he executed without fail. I can't forget to thank Kelsey for helping me as well! I quite literally sped through my textbook explaining every possible topic to these two for hours...how they managed to stay interested I don't know -- its Biopsych for God's sake! Regardless, I have so much appreciation for what they did, because without them I probably would have failed my test. BUT, the good news is I took my test this morning and I feel very confident that I did well!
Ultimately, everything that has been happening in my life has shown me that being thankful is something that we should never stop doing. We never know when people will exit our lives so we should cherish every moment we have. I could have let what my friends did for me go unnoticed, but then that wouldn't be characteristic to what my life, and be thankful is about. I could have let the negative things in my life take over my mind and send me for a downward spiral, but I looked up and out of my hole and found myself in my garden...I couldn't be more thankful for the connections I have created. All in all, I think we should always be mindful of the important people in our lives and make sure that are receiving the same love that they give to us. Stay blessed and ALWAYS be thankful!
***
If you want to know how to make your own happiness garden, check out my post How To: See The Little Things. And don't forget to pick your favorite post so far and send me a message on why! And look to your right and vote on the poll! Love you guys!
If I had to describe how today has been in one word...spontaneous. In a world where we have to schedule in time to see the people we love, program alarms to send us to work, use Facebook to remind us of birthdays, I think we could all use some spontaneity in our lives. Today was UW Day, my school's anniversary! While this is reason alone to be excited about today, something else catalyzed the mood I am feeling right now. My day started off amazing because firstly, I was dressed quite nicely -- for no reason. I bet some people would wonder why this is a reason to feel amazing, that this is shallow. But let me be the one to tell you that I am not a fan of letting material things dictate your behaviors, but I am an advocate of enforcing your already existing love for yourself with a little "pampering." Hell, we all need a little goodness in our lives sometimes right? Regardless, my great mood continued when I decided to skip my math lecture, oh the joys of college, and enjoy the festivities of UW Day in Red Square. There I enjoyed our amazing band play songs ranging from Crazy In Love by Beyonce to The Whisper Song by The Ying-Yang Twins....yes this was at UW! It was a beautiful sight and I enjoyed every second of it. Moving foreword I ran into my friends Kendall a.k.a. Taco, Alec, and Melissa and then we hung out for a little, drinking Honest Tea, eating food the from trucks, and then sharing in the beauty and allure of this local band, Pickwick. Now let me just tell you, this band had me felling some kind of way! Their feeling, their sound, their lyrics, their vibe...everything that they were giving was quality -- complete perfection. Its not common to see a band that can just strip you down and bring you back to reality while performing live. Something else I found captivating about this band was the talent, in ALL members. They all were a part of a collective. Even the background vocals held up on their own! But let us not underrate the perfection that was their lead singer, Galen. His voice was something angelic. He has an incredibly old soul countered with an energized fire that cannot be ignored. You could here his story in his voice. He literally took me somewhere with his countless runs and belted notes. It all was on point. Basically what I am trying to say is, YOU NEED TO LOOK THIS BAND UP. Pickwick is definitely a band to watch and you will be hearing of them very soon! Ultimately, this day so far has been perfection and I am excited to continue the spontaneity because the night is young! I am so happy that I let my day make itself -- no need for planning, I just did. Days like this are hard to come by these days...Am I saying skip your lectures/jobs to feel good? Not really. Haha But I think what I am trying to drive to you guys is that you should let things come to you. Let life come to you. Stop planning your every move! Stop living by your phone. Just do what feels right. Be spontaneous.
HUGE NEWS! OWN Network (Oprah Winfrey Network) contacted me today and they are going to use some of my tweets in a promo for Super Soul Sunday, which is an amazing program on the network...CHECK IT OUT THIS WEEKEND! This is huge for us! Dreams do come true, and I am getting closer and closer to mine with your help! SO this is my thank you....
Ambitious Daydreamer. That is what I am. That is what all of you are. Together we are a force that cannot be shaken, together we are heard, together we can change the world. I know that I have already written a post thanking all of you for supporting me and my dreams, but let me just take it a little deeper for ya'll. In life we always want to discover our purpose, to find out what we were put on this earth for. Discovering this has been one of the craziest challenges that I have ever faced. Growing up I always felt like I was meant for something great...I just couldn't figure out what that thing was -- would I ever live up to it? Just like the eager purpose chaser I was, I thought I was supposed to change myself to be what everyone else thought I was supposed to be. I thought that I was incapable of finding my own path -- incapable of finding my purpose. So when people would bash me in the hallways, on social networks, tear down my name...I believed it for a long time. I believed that I was the dirt beneath their feet, the forever unnoticed. It took a youth 252 conference at my amazing church Champion Centre to help me see a fraction of the light that I am radiating now. At this conference they pressed a specific verse, "You are the salt of the earth." Meaning that without your presence the world would lose it's perfect flavoring, that something would be missing from this complex recipe of life. That stuck with me more than anything. I may be seen as the dirt beneath their feet, but to God, this world would lose some of its beauty without my presence. That is a lesson that I will hold with me for the rest of my life. So I would like to say thank you to my church and all of my pastors for starting my journey. After this conference I had found a new confidence -- a pep in my step. With this burst of courage I decided to make new friends, open myself to the world again, be myself. Doing this brought me my amazing group of friends back home. They watched me grow into a more confident and extroverted human being, and they helped me learn how to trust myself and others again. So I would like to say thank you to my crew -- my family. My family. I can't even forget to thank them as well! My relationship with my family is definitely not what people would think, but I still love them more than anything. My morals, my audacity, my fire...it all comes from them. My mom and here dedication to seeing me succeed, my dad and his constant support, and the rest of them for being an amazing support system. Most of all, I want to thank my brother, Dondia. He has always been there. He sees through my bs and supports everything that I am. Unconditional love is what family is about and he gives that without fail. So thank you brother! Moving on I want to thank my teachers. You all know who you are, the ones that have taught me some of the greatest lessons ever. The ones that supported my ambitious daydreams even when I didn't see them. Thank you to Bethel High School for being an amazing school. Not everyone had the same experience as I did, but I wouldn't change a thing. I learned a lot about being myself. Thank you to the class of 2012 for believing in me and my crazy self! You guys are all like family to me! And I can't forget my UW family..my PPP's. You guys already know what you mean to me and what you have done. I love you all, and I am addicted to you all! Lastly, I just want to thank everyone that reads my blog. The increasing views, the comments, the shares, it all warms my heart on a level that is contagious. Without all of you, this blog would just be lost words on the web. Without all of you, I wouldn't be able to see what my life is about -- what my purpose is in this world. With the help of all of you, I know that I am meant to inspire. I am meant to be a product and creator of the empowerment of others. I can feel myself figuring out my life and it is the greatest feeling in the entire world. I know this post is long, but if you have stuck it out with me this whole time thanks! Figuring out your purpose is a journey that you should never give up on it. It may be long, it may be stressful and hard, but it will always end beautifully. Don't give up on yourself -- don't give up on your dreams. My story is a testament to this, and I hope you all realize that happiness can come your way as well! I love you all, and thank you for bringing light into my life, I just hope I bring a little into yours too!
Where is my inspiration coming from right now? Tori Kelly's EP Foreword is OUT NOW! It is amazingly inspirational and her talent is undeniable. GO BUY IT ON ITUNES!
This morning I woke up realizing a very important lesson all over again... See that's the thing about lessons...its not just something you learn once and then walk away from. Its something that you learn, and continue to expand in order to find deeper meanings and ensure that history is not repeated. With that being said, this morning I revisited finding happiness in the little things. Now I know that this is something that people harp on time and time again, but what's interesting, is that while people can talk about this as much as they want, for some reason people still don't do this correctly.
I feel like we all are inherently selfish beings. That sounds rude and cynical, but its very true. We never want to do something that will put us at harm and if something requires us to stretch our comfort we automatically have a resistance. This isn't something to be ashamed of honestly...we all have to maintain homeostasis -- even beyond the biological meaning. What I am trying to get at, is that YES we are selfish beings by definition, but does achieving our happiness have to be a selfish adventure as well? Let me explain. I feel like people do not realize that happiness is not something that is given to you. Nor can you create it alone. If that were true, we would all become hobbits with no desire to make human interactions. Creating happiness in your life begins inside yourself, but it is finished when you project your beautifully created vibes to the people around you. For example, when I'm alone I live for talking to strangers. (younger kids don't try this at home!) Just randomly sitting next to people in coffee shops, eating lunch with the single person in the corner, learning someone else's story, projecting my beautifully created vibes like a prism reaching every possible receptor in my range of light. While this calls for a more extroverted personality, there's an idea that I am trying to get through here. Creating happiness is essentially a give and take situation. You find the seed inside yourself, you plant it in others, and then you watch your garden blossom. This garden does require grooming and maintenance, but I assure you that it will bring you the most beautiful sites, even on your worst days. You are the gardener, take pride in your work! Take a moment to explore the leaves, the branches, the flowers. Everything in your life is a product of what you make of it. Meaning that your happiness is in your own hands!
To conclude, we live in a busy world. We have appointments stretching for miles, we accumulate hours upon hours of work, we go to school, we do homework, we maintain a healthy and functional home, we maintain relationships, we go out with friends, we sleep, we do it all.... 24 hours. That's all we are given. And at night we lay in our beds wishing we did more, wishing we had a greater meaning. Wishing is okay for a daydreamer, but it is also our kryptonite. Daydreaming keeps reality and our visions in mind -- wishing does not. Wishing causes us to revert to our selfish beginnings. We cannot wish for happiness to enter our lives, we have to be willing to go out of our comfort zones to discover new lands. And in these new lands we will set up a new home, create new gardens, and let our beautifully created vibes shower the people around us AND let others shower us. Conceptually, we began as a seed. Our vines need nourishment, our roots need foundation, our leaves need pruning. Maybe we should start letting water in, letting light into our lives. Only then can we blossom -- only then can we see the little things.
Okay so I just watched this video...you should probably take the time out of your night to watch the ENTIRE thing like I was forced to before you continue to read the post. I will be honest, this video made me cry, I held in a lot of the tears, but let it be known some were shed watching this perfection.
I know most people don't like to watch proposal videos, or see people take cute pictures with their significant other...but I am a lover of such things. I love to see love blossom into something beautiful and euphoric. I love to see people be happy with their soul mate -- that's what I hope to find in life. So I feel like the only way I can let out what I am feeling right now...is to write a letter. A letter to my future soul mate.
Hello,
If you are reading are a hard copy of this, you must be my soul mate -- the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Let me begin by saying thank you. You may not know this, but you have changed my life in ways that you cannot even imagine. I have strayed away from love for so long...waiting for that right person -- and that person is you. While I do not ask much from you other than your love, I can tell you what you should expect from me. I am yours. There is no need to be searching any longer. You are my sunshine in the rain. You are my teammate -- my partner in crime. I am here for you, through the shitty nights when we wanna go Rambo on each other, through all the obstacles that come our way...I will always be here. Growing up I watched people around me go in and out of relationships, and I was always seen as weird, love deprived, alone...little did they know that I have felt your love from the very day I understood this crazy concept of love...way before I even met you. I knew that God was holding my greatest surprise for a later time. No need to be searching, because you were already made for me -- already set in my life before I even knew it. It's crazy how life brings people together huh? The day I met you was the day that I knew that everything was going right in my life. I knew that no matter what life threw at me, I had comfort in your embrace. I found home in your heart... At this point, I hope you have realized that I am probably the most confusing puzzle you have ever attempted...but rest assured that this won't be unsolvable -- it'll be worth the wait. And by the looks of this letter resting in your hand, you have figured out the final piece to this puzzle -- and its you. Our love will be something people will talk about till the end of time. It will be the love that our children will want to find, the kind that our friends and family look to for inspiration -- true love. True love...what is this thing that these crazy kids have been trying to figure out since the beginning of time? Let me tell you. Its the kind of love that we have. The kind of love where I see the real you. No need for fancy clothes, makeup, or crazy facades. I see you. The kind of love where no matter who or what tries to bring us down, we still stand out on top, resilient in our love and future together. The kind of love that cannot be explained by simple words or phrases...the simple "I love you" will not suffice. It will take a collection of words, memories, emotions, energy, everything that we could possibly give. And there's no need to be afraid of being hurt, because I'm done searching. The search is over. I found you. You found me. There's nothing else that we need. Just take this chance with me, and make happily ever after a real thing. Forever is just over the mountaintop, and I wouldn't wanna make this climb with anyone else. I love you.
Your Soul Mate.
I will never know what life will bring my way, but I do know that I don't need to go searching for my soul mate because they have already been created for me...when the time comes, God will bring them my way. Stop searching for the right man, the right woman, just relax. Life will bring you to your love.
Today I encountered a very huge dose of ignorance and I have no choice but to share my experience with all of you. As you know, I go to the University of Washington located in Seattle. Seattle is well known for its acceptance of the weird, the odd, the strange, or in my words -- regular damn people with open minds. Unfortunately, just because you live in such an accepting environment doesn't mean that ignorance does not exist. Today I was eating lunch in the HUB (Husky Union Building) and I sat next to a very disturbed man who was attempting to persuade this woman into joining Christianity -- or what he thought it was about. Let the record show that I am not a confrontational person, but I will always stand up for what I believe in. Anyway, this man rambled for about half an hour about how women are corrupt, minorities are meant to be slaves, homosexuality is for demons, and men are the rightful heirs to the promised land. As a person from a strong Christian background I could not stand to listen to such insanity. I turned to my left and asked if I could interject into the conversation...clearly he agreed believing I could be bullied by his tone -- WRONG. As he continued to spit out complete ignorance left and right I politely asked him if I could speak. I began by asking him if he truly believed everything he was saying -- he did. Moving forward I began to tell him and the woman about how I see Christianity and the other respective topics he so gracefully destroyed.
"As a strong lover of women, a minority who is NOT meant for slavery or ever will be, a supporter of equal rights, and just an all-around culturally aware person I am offended by your comments. Yes, Eve committed the first sin, but isn't Mary the woman that bore the Son of God cleaning the slate for all women to come? Don't you respect your mother for carrying you for nine months and taking care of you? Yes, minorities were enslaved at one time. But if we were still meant to endure such indecencies, why is our president African-American, voted in by not only minorities, but Caucasians as well? Yes, homosexuality is different to what you may be used to, but as a Christian you are called to love everyone -- preaching hate makes your cause misguided. And beyond that, who are we to impose our morals on someone else? Love is something that should never have to be explained. I'm not here to tell you that you're a terrible person, just misguided. I'll pray for you and I hope you have a great day."
Ignorance is something that we deal everyday, but it is up to us, the educated and culturally aware, to make our voices heard as well. While others promote hate, we should be countering with love and information. In moments like these I find myself testing my patience, my faith, my love, and my character. I could have handled this in so many different ways, but I chose a route that I feel was mature and helpful. This was confirmed by the woman hugging me and saying, "That was well handled and you have a beautiful soul. Thanks for making my day."
Step One: Start by loving yourself, believing in yourself, finding your perfections...While this is a pretty simple idea, this is the most difficult step in this entire process. We all have the ability to make a difference -- leave our mark in time. Our main problem is, WE don't see ourselves in such way. We sit back and believe that our voice will never be heard, that the rich and upper one percent are meant to do the work. NO! We should not measure our level of influence by our income, but by our ambition to make a change. Start believing in yourself and this whole process will be a breeze! For more words of inspiration to see that your imperfections are perfection check out my post http://dlenoir510.blogspot.com/2013/07/there-are-perfections-in-imperfection.html
Step Two: Dream! This is simple. We dream at night, during the day, and everything in between! Now you just have to look at this world, and see where you want to improve it. Dreams are meant for the individual that sees a world that needs a change. Whether it be that hot piece of man across the room that you have been wanting to game up, or that beautiful woman that you just can't find the right way to approach, we dream about what we want in life! Now just dream about something bigger than yourself! All you have to do is think about how this world could benefit... and your dreams will do the rest! Every change starts with a dream, and every dream begins with an idea. FIND YOURS! Finding my dream was hard, but it takes time -- check out my post http://dlenoir510.blogspot.com/2013/08/this-is-me.html
Step Three: Be Ambitiously Courageous. On the track to changing the world, you will run into some bumps down the road. You will make mistakes, you will lose some friends, make new ones, feel like your crazy, be in the face of failure...BUT it will all be worth it! You have to look back to step one and remember that you can do this! Believe in yourself! Nothing is ever handed to you, so go out there and take what is yours -- make your mark. Make sure people know that you were here. Backup your dreams harder than anything else! Holding on to your dreams is crucial on the road to change. Many people become influenced by others and their wrongdoings, but you must make a stand and make sure people know what YOU are about. Step out and let people know who you are.
Step Four: Create An Army. The idea is simple -- there is strength in numbers. While you could possibly reach the change you want to see alone, you will feel an even greater satisfaction knowing that you brought a team with you. Influencing the world is a great responsibility -- a calling for greatness. Sometimes we must realize our limits as ONE person and see that we need others to help us make our dreams become reality. The only way you can see the beauty and perfection of 3-D movies is to put those damn glasses on! They may be uncomfortable at times, but without them you would be looking at a distorted screen with know clear image at all. Don't be afraid of letting others in, it may uncomfortable at first, but the end product is a dream that has now become redefined and tangible.
Step Five: Be Happy. This is the last step in my process to change the world!! Being happy seems easy, but once you have created a following, you will also acquire a counter army as well. This army is there to just tear you down and tell you that you can't make the change that you see in your horizons. You have to realize that when people see someone else doing something bigger than themselves, they become envious and bothered. You can't allow the words of others to diminish the dream that you have worked so hard to create! You also can't allow yourself to talk yourself out of being happy. We often tell ourselves that we don't deserve happiness or good things in life, but you have to remember something crucial: At this point in your journey you have evolved into an amazingly beautiful human being and nobody can take away this experience or the change that you have made in yourself and the people around you. YOU have to be happy with what you have done thus far, and be even more happy with what you will continue to do! Be happy with your present, but also be excited for your future! Don't forget the dream that this all started with because it is the most beautiful thing to come from your mind, body, and soul. Need help finding happiness in yourself and the simple things around you? Check out my post http://dlenoir510.blogspot.com/2013/06/happy.html
So I guess that's it! Changing the world doesn't take as many steps as you would think huh? Anyone can make a difference, you just have to be an Ambitious Daydreamer at heart! Find yourself, find your dream, find your ambition, find your army -- find your happiness. This life has so much to offer you, you just have to want it bad enough.
First post of the month!!!! I literally have been anticipating this SO much! I just hope you guys have too! Well September was an amazing month for us and the trek to creating more and more Ambitious Daydreamers...our viewing audience grew exponentially which surprised me in ways I can't describe.. and I hope I inspired you all to appreciate your loved ones even more!(cough cough..SAPPY SEPTEMBER) Also, we got certified as a blog with substance, as well as skyrocketing to the top spots on Google! BUT what does October have to bring for us?!?! Let us discuss...To begin with, I had the opportunity to guest post on an AMAZING blog, www.cassandrapedia.com ! This is a HUGE deal for getting my vision out there so that was REALLY exciting! GO CHECK OUT HER PAGE!
Alright so moving onto the other things I have planned for this month...some cool new additions are coming to blog...I hope to change the look a little, I'm adding a place for some of my most favorite quotes, I might even add an advice section (only if ppl comment saying YES), and I have a HUGE surprise that I can't disclose...just cause I like surprises! But yes, this month has some excitement coming, and I hope you guys continue to support my ambitious daydreams. Make sure you tell everyone you know about this page! Share it, comment on posts, get fully invested in this whole experience because that is EXACTLY what I have done at this point. No comment is not worth hearing, if you hate something, which I hope you don't, TELL ME! If you LOVE something....PLEASE TELL ME! It feels good knowing that my words aren't just going on a page with no one being moved by them.
HERE IS THE POST
Why does everyone want to fall in love? What's so great about it? Why is everyone else happy but me?...This is what a lot of lonely people sound like. I'm not saying this to be mean or bitter -- I say this because just as you guys were probably shocked by reading that, it has the same result when other people read those words from your social accounts. You guys have read my blog. You pretty much know every detail that is my life. I have experienced heartaches, I have been cheated on, I have been disappointed in people, but one thing I never do is wholeheartedly believe that I am meant to be forever lonely. I know that you can read this on a wall at school or hear it from your parents but let me tell you that you are worth someone's time. YOU are meant to be with someone. YOU are meant to love other's and feel the happiness that all of those disgustingly cute couples do! Am I telling you that you won't hit rough patches? Hell no. I've been there. I know how it feels to wonder why you are getting out of the bed in the morning. I know how it feels to wonder if anyone actually sees the real you -- if people really understand...or will they ever? It's okay to be in a slump! They happen from time to time...but you are meant to rise above the bad times in life. For example, recently I fell for someone I wasn't supposed to. I believed that they could feel the same...that they could love me like I love them...that they had changed. Unfortunately, this person couldn't see what I did. They couldn't understand that we could be perfection. While that was a harsh reality to come to, while I did take a night to drink and cry about how life sucks (bad idea), while I did take a few weeks to get back to myself... HERE I AM, completely happy with where my life is right now. I have realized that love isn't something that we should have to try to find. We are meant to sit back, think about exactly what we want out of relationships for that moment when something happens, but we can't forget to live life! Don't get stuck in the fact that you don't have A significant other, because I guarantee there are MANY significant people in your life that need love. Treasure your friends, your loved ones -- don't waste life consistently worried about when that special someone is coming! Be happy with where your life is right now. Be happy as a complete human being and then allow someone to come in, like extra credit for being awesome! You already made the test your b****, now really rub it in and get the bonus questions right! That's what relationships are supposed to be, extra credit in the test of life. Don't get hung up on getting the extremely confusing bonus questions right and then forget about the ones that matter most. Don't fail this test just because you wanted that extra credit. Work on acing this thing called life, and then check out those bonus questions! Happy studying!
My inspiration? Tori Kelly, who's new EP: FOREWORD comes out in a couple days...BUY IT!
This morning I woke up knowing that today is going to be one of the biggest days of my life. A day that has needed to come for a long time -- I have just been too afraid to accept myself and make you listen. I love you. It may not be said all of the time, it may not be shown through my actions, but you need to know that I wouldn't be here without you. We have had our differences, we have had our blow ups...but you are who I have always wanted to support me -- support my dreams. I have spent a long time trying to pick up the pieces that have been broken for so long, and now I feel like I have figured out this large puzzle that is my life. It's been a seven year journey. I have been torn down, brought up, and broken, but here I am still fighting for what I believe in, trying to figure out how it is that I am supposed to change the world. I realize that I thought I could do it in other ways -- I thought it was conducive to my personality. But you must realize that when that dream was created, I was still trying to figure out what my personality really was. I had an idea -- help people, but maybe that wasn't in the way I knew would make me happy -- make my life worth while. I know that you have supported this dream with your all, but I am asking you to support this new dream with just as much excitement, just as much fire. I want you in my corner, cheering me on, telling me everything is going to be okay. That's what your supposed to do. I know that you want me to be successful, as do I, but you have to see me. See the person in front of you. I am not that person I thought I was. I am someone greater, someone who will be heard all around the world. Just trust me. I know what I am doing. I have prayed and prayed. I have dropped to my knees pleading God to show me some kind sign -- help me see what I am supposed to do with my talents...and he answered back. Trust in Him. Trust in me. Trust in my dreams. I will change this world in ways I can't even imagine, but I know it won't be as rewarding if I don't have your support. I can see the finish line. I can see where I am going to be. Turn your tunnel vision to mine, and you will see a life so much greater for me. This is my life. My dreams. Let me make decisions for myself, and just tell me it's going to be okay. I know you don't see the success that I do right now, but trust me, something big is coming. You just have to listen. I really hope you listen to this voice inside me. It's been hidden for so long, a long time coming -- but I have never felt more drive to do anything else in my life before. I have saved myself, brought myself to see the real me, and now I have been shown what this life has to offer me. Just listen to this excitement inside, and I guarantee you will hear me. Hear this voice. Hear my dreams. Just listen.
Man oh man...Alec Baldwin! You mean so much to me, how do I put this all into a post?! To start things off, I will say that this kid right here is literally my "go-to" person for all of my juicy tales of life. We can literally talk for hours about the most ugly things and not feel any shame! I guess everyone just needs that one friend that they can be extremely ugly with and have NO care in the world. Alec is my go to person for ALL of my social life. We are literally in sync about everything and sometimes it just scares me! It's crazy when someone is already aware of how you're feeling, or what you're about to say...it's crazy cause that doesn't happen everyday. Alec is a diamond in the rough. He doesn't realize how amazing he is as a person, or just how much he influences my life, but he is definitely on the right path. Food for thought: Only surround yourself with people who have the same level of ambition as you, and can help you better yourself. Alec achieves just that. While we have our differences -- we are one in the same. He is literally a brother to me. The younger brother I never had! I always smile inside when we have deep conversations because I feel myself teaching him things and then him teaching me even more. It is quite literally a humbling experience and I wouldn't change it for the world. Alec has filled the hole in my life that was missing for SO long. He has become that guy that is just always there, ready to laugh with you about life and see the greater things. This is why I love him so much and I would never want him to leave my life, he is consistent and perf.
What is my biggest lesson learned from Alec?
Alec has taught me to accept the more ratchet side of my self. That sounds like a bad thing, but everyone needs to feel comfortable with who they truly are -- Alec helped me do that. He has taught me that it doesn't matter what people think of you, as long as you are living your life the way you see fit, you're doing it right! Alec and I both have our dark pasts, but here we are, together, at the same school, trying to live the best life possible. I can't help but feel like our friendship has been written WAY before our time, and I am beyond excited for what we will do together to change the world. Alec...I love you, you're my young padawan, my great friend...pretty much family. Thank you for being yourself and allowing me to invade your life! Stay amazing, and "just throw it back!"
So here I am, sitting in Mercer Court and I couldn't be happier! If you aren't aware, I attend one of the greatest universities ever, the University of Washington! Let me just being by saying thank you to the beautiful city of Seattle for making me fall in love with you, and helping me call this place home for a second year. Going to college has ALWAYS been a goal for me and I just know that I couldn't be any happier at any other place. The classes, the architecture, the people, my amazing friends...what more could you ask for? This is probably the best place to discover yourself and be creative. I just feel so blessed to be here and it got me thinking, EVERYONE should be able to experience this perfection. I look at my room, my campus, and I just see a place that I call home. I look at my beautiful group of friends I have acquired and I can't help but want to cry. This is a crazy amount of happiness that I have never experienced before. While I can't disclose the name of my close-knit group of friends for ratchet reasons, just know that I am surrounded by amazingness. I usually am not the one to brag, but let me just tell y'all, these people are PHENOMENAL. They understand me, and I can literally be myself around them. I never find myself holding back in protection from judgement, I just simply act how I want -- when I want. That is something that is hard to find... but I found with my PPP's! I love them so much, and I am just so happy that we are all here again, ready to make campus our stomping ground! Last year was nothing short of perfection. We made a little family, and had the time of our lives! We had fights, make ups, hiccups, and turn ups -- and I wouldn't change a thing! But let it be known, this year we are coming back with a BANG, socially AND academically. We will take back the night AND the classrooms. This year is going to be something to talk about and I am just feeling beyond blessed. I feel like so many things are starting to fall in place now that I am here and it just brings me back to myself.
Everyone should be able to experience this euphoria. It just takes some recycling of your friends. Find people that have your best interests in mind, and see you for the person that you REALLY are. Be yourself, don't be afraid of rejection. Go out there, make this world your stomping ground, and take back your life. Take back control. Take back the REAL you and show the world what you're REALLY made of.
This post is explicit and may not be suitable for all audiences.
For those of you that have continued to read this post, I would first like to ask you to play the song above to get a feel for my emotions right now.
This is my blog. Like I told you all before, this is a place to understand yourself. And I wouldn't be helping you, if I didn't cover ALL emotions...like those of rage. Rage is what I feel right now. This is an emotion I don't feel too often, but there are those rare occurrences where people push me over the edge. I can only take so much foolishness before I must take action. I must clean house. My brain and my bones don't want to take this blatant disrespect anymore. I have done nothing but love you. Nothing but put all of your feelings before mine. But let me just tell you, I am exhausted. I'm exhausted with feeling like your consistently lying to me. Simple things are withheld, shady actions have been revealed, and I am here to say its enough. I have been burned by your lies several times before and I see what they can do to me. But for some reason I let them go unnoticed.... For some reason I am always the target for people's insecurities. I don't understand. Am I just a good punching bag? Am I the perfect scapegoat? NO. I am none of those things. So I'm sorry if people were confused, but if you treat me in such a way, and you will be dismissed.
And let me just clarify. I am not a victim. The situation that I am in is partially MY fault. Life is about choices. We have the ability to make good ones...and really stupid ones. I made the choice to overlook every shady moment, every piece of evidence that said people didn't have my well being in mind. Unfortunately, my loving self didn't confront every doubt I had in my mind, and look at where this has gotten me. This is something we should think about. Why do we continuously let the wrong people in? Why do we allow people to run our lives? Why do we overlook the bad, when it obviously outweighs the good? It's because we are human. We are wired to love others. But our love should not cloud our judgement. When that happens, we are susceptible to experience the tragedy of betrayal and disappointment. I've learned my lesson. It doesn't matter how much you care about people, they are going to ALWAYS make their OWN choices. Does this mean we shouldn't trust people? NO. We should trust that people wouldn't hurt us, but as soon as you have some doubt, DO NOT doubt your intuition, confront your feelings and protect yourself. Because if you don't, you will end up scorned. Make your OWN decision to fight for your life.
So yes, I am enraged. I'm enraged at other people's actions, but I am also enraged with myself for allowing such indecencies to occur for THIS long. I should have protected myself when I had the chance. But now I no longer will have to worry about what's going on. I can move on. I can go back to school completely open to whatever comes my way and I am thankful. I just wished it happened on better terms.
So this post was not planned in any way...but I just got really emotional, motivated, excited, etc. I can't even think of one word that sums up what I am feeling right now! I really just wanted to take this moment to say thank you to everyone who has supported my blog thus far. I don't think y'all really understand how much this means to me! As someone who usually doesn't like to be in the limelight, this whole experience has helped me understand myself even more. I have come to realize that being celebrated for your strengths is not a bad thing, it doesn't make you a terrible person to accept compliments! I feel like a lot of people understand what I mean when I say compliments make me slightly uncomfortable. Not that compliments aren't good, it's just hard to look at yourself as someone that awesome or influential. But I think that its just being humble -- to not need people to notice your every accomplishment. On the other hand, being extremely humble may strip you from advances in life, which is not okay. Having this blog has taught me that, it's okay to be overjoyed with a compliment or a nice comment. We live for some type of recognition of our strengths. As much as people, including myself, don't want to admit it, getting applause for being yourself is the greatest feeling in the world. Don't judge me, but I think that's why I love Applause by Lady Gaga so much. While many people think that she's weird or whatever, she has to be one of the most metaphorical artists right now. I love a song that can make you look for deeper meanings and that's what this song does. While the track is a thank you to her fans, she's showing vulnerability by telling us that she literally lives for the applause -- for being herself. I can relate to that. I started this blog as a way to express myself and get out whatever thoughts I didn't think society would like too much. I never thought that people would actually read my posts, let alone compliment me on them. Now that y'all have taught me that it's okay to love applause, I know that I want to go far with the sole purpose of my blog: the motivation of others. While I live for the applause, I also want others to be applauded on their journeys to happiness. Daydreaming ambitiously is my calling, and that's what I am hoping to instill in all of you! So when you mention my blog, retweet and share my posts, know that you are giving me some of the greatest joy I have ever experienced. The support I am receiving for just being myself still freaks me out, but just know that I love it all! So I applaud you all for being amazing and making my life so much better -- I just hope I'm doing the same for you!
