Sexual Healing

The title alone should tell you that this post is going to be quite personal. haha But maybe not as X-Rated as you think. Since I am so humbled by the amount of people that actually read my posts, I figured I should do something a little crazy for the beginning of this month! Today, I'm gonna talk about..........owning your self. And the only way I know how, is to use myself as a guinea pig!

As I have told you, I don't have the greatest past with loving myself and being confident due to my junior high experience. Let me just tell you why I was bullied so hard....a ninth grader, told the entire school that I made out with him. That we were seeing each other in private. I bet you're wondering....How could he come up with is? How did he know you, a seventh grader? It all started because he knew a very close friend of mine and one day at lunch he didn't have anywhere to sit, so we offered him a seat at our table. He and I barely had much communication because I barely knew him, but it certainly wasn't awkward having the school's 'Token Gay Guy' sit at our table. He was just another regular person to me. I had always been taught to accept everyone and not judge by what is said about them, but what they say about themselves. Never did I think that my niceness would put me into the worst situation of my entire life. His one little lie had the whole school believe something about me that I had never even thought about -- even fathomed. This drove me to questioning my whole life -- my mannerisms, my voice, my friends, my clothes. Was I very thing they screamed into my ear as they kicked me into the ground in the fields? Was I worthy of even living? How could one's sexuality really bring so much hurt and pain? I didn't even tell anyone the dark secret that I was, God forbid, straight!

After years of making better friends, better choices, better thoughts about myself. I have realized something about my sexuality. IT IS MINE. No matter how many people want to label me and throw me into whatever group they see fit. I don't fit into any of them, trust me I tried. I am Demetrius Aaron-Matthew LeNoir. I am a human being who happens to love the world equally regardless of their age, sex, gender, creed, religion, race. DEAL WITH IT. Ironically, I have chosen to live through the very thing that tormented me into almost taking my own life -- my sexuality. My sexuality is complex, unique, perfect, and mine. I love everyone around me because they add to the person that I am. Crazy, smart, loving, passionate, flirtatious, and a great motivator. Ultimately, what I want you all to understand is this: someone's sexuality doesn't need to be tattooed on their forehead. It doesn't determine their character or how much they are worth. So STOP trying to pry into other's privacy and making their lives a living hell. Take it from me, I was one more derogatory comment from making a very selfish move. But I praise God that I had the strength to make it through and able to sit here in front of this computer and have a story to tell all of you. Finding out how to own your self is hard, but you have to find confidence somewhere. There is something about you that makes you YOU and it's that very thing that draws people towards you. Start loving that person in the mirror before its too late and your life is wasted hating simple things about yourself. Start being more positive and do some soul searching, because I guarantee that it will be worth it. I definitely don't think that I am where I want to be, but I am so happy that I am not where I was. Its the small steps that count most. ---- I love you all, and thank you for supporting me this far!